Chapter 1

CHAPTER 1

“Astoria.” My breath caught in my throat, I could hardly believe my eyes. Having just walked into my apartment from work–a normal boring, hot August day in Salt Lake City–I’d tossed my mail on the counter thinking it was all junk. After grabbing a quick glass of cold water, I’d picked it up to throw it in the garbage when I saw the return address on one of them, causing my heart to beat rapidly.

Letting the other letters slip back to the counter, I sat on the nearby stool suddenly shaky and weak. It wasn’t December--which was the only time I’d seen that address for the past three years--and for some reason that brought panic. Why were they writing me? What news did they need to share?

“Astoria.” I whispered the word, lightly running my hand over the thick cream colored envelope. The mere word was bringing back images, memories, smells and sounds that I had long ago forgotten.

Suddenly long hidden memories were flowing back, reminding me of lush green forest, foggy beaches and baked Blackberry pie. Funny how it never triggered this response in December. When I’d see their card, I’d open it, read it, stick it up with the others and promptly put it out of my mind. I’d never spent Christmas there, after all. Only summers. Cool, lush, green summers, I reminded myself, looking out the sliding glass doors of my apartment at the heat waves coming off the pavement below.

I licked my dry lips, turning the envelope over to slide a nail under the flap and tear it open. “Dearest Angie,” I read silently. “We realized this year how long it’s been since we’ve seen you, and how long it’s been since we’ve talked. We’ve been thinking of you so much lately, we insist you come visit us this summer. You’ve been hiding yourself away in Utah for too long. Please come see us.”

I couldn’t believe it! I closed my eyes and the thoughts that had only teased me a moment before rushed back through with full force. The salty sea air coming in off the river, the barges moving past the docks, the chancy rain showers. How I had missed it! And here was a chance to go back.

Opening my eyes, my vision landed on the photo of my parents. I stood slowly, walking over to run a finger along the edge of the soft wood frame. What would it be like to go back without them? Would they linger everywhere I looked? I didn’t know if I could bear the echoes of their voices and laughter... Sighing, I glanced at the letter before looking out the window at the dry parking lot with wilting trees, dying grass and radiating heat.

“Astoria.” I whispered, suddenly feeling tears fill my eyes. I was glad no one could see me. I had no idea why I was crying! But, I knew I was going. It was like the answer to every prayer I had uttered since I was 19.

Chapter 2

Chapter 2

Two days later I was driving down the Columbia River Highway. It was so wonderful! It was a beautiful bright summer day and I rejoiced in having left dry hot behind in Utah. I felt like a sponge, soaking up the humidity and lush green scenery along the road.

It was amazing how easy it had been to get vacation time. I hadn’t taken any time off for over a year and my job wasn’t a real demanding one. So, I had called the Palmers the night before, informing them I was coming. They had been thrilled! I was surprised at how much they wanted to see me. It made me begin to think I really wasn’t alone in the world.

They had wanted to meet my plane, but I’d explained I was going to rent a car. I wanted to relax and soak up all the Oregon I could. I had never driven the way myself before, but that wasn’t going to stop me. I knew how to read a map, and just how difficult could it be? All you had to do was get on the Columbia River Gorge Highway and point the car west.

While I drove, my muscles started relaxing and it seemed the first time in a long time I felt completely carefree. It was as if a great weight had been taken off my shoulders. It was hard to keep my gaze from going to the river, but I knew I’d crash if I didn’t watch it.

I reached Multnomah Falls and just had to stop for a moment at my favorite place. I had to drink in the beauty after being away so long.

Realizing how much I had missed it all, I grabbed my camera and walked over to the railing where I could get a perfect shot of the falls with the bridge in front. The moment seemed to freeze in time--The spray coming up off the falls and all the lush green ferns and bushes. I closed the shutter quickly before leaning against the rail and closing my eyes. All I could hear was the roar of the falls, the birds calling to each other, and I soaked up every blissful sound.

Then my conscious got the better of me, reminding the Palmers were expecting me in a certain time frame. I sighed, turning to look at the falls once more. The only saving factor was the knowledge I would be coming back later. I smiled and got back into my rented Honda, heading toward Astoria again.

About an hour or so later I was nearing the eastern entrance to the city when the car made a strange sound and the steering wheel jerked in my hands. I bit my lip, my pulse racing, and managed to pull the car over to the side of the road. I turned off the motor and got out to survey the damage.

“Oh great,” I muttered to myself as I spotted the culprit. “A flat.” I put my hands on my hips and looked around to see where I was. I was still outside of Astoria by a couple of miles, and I realized it was going to be a bit of a walk to find help.

Chuckling, I reached in for my purse and locked the car. What a way to start off a vacation! I walked down the lovely shaded road, humming to myself. It felt good to be out of the car, actually. I hadn’t taken a break except for the falls and my legs felt stiff.

I let the calmness of the scenery sink in as I walked--it really was a lovely day. It was just so nice to be back in Oregon, it didn’t matter I had to walk a couple of miles. It was too wonderful of a day and too gorgeous surroundings.

After a while I rounded a corner in the road, coming upon a large brick walled area with security guards and a huge metal gate. Along both sides were the words Monticello Young Men Academy - Oregon in thick, shinny brass letters. Despite the nice walk I had been having, I was relieved. As I walked up to the security booth, the young man inside smiled at me. Stepping out, he touched his hat in a quick salute.

“Hello, Ma’am,” he said, his voice deep. “What can I do for you?”

“Well,” I smiled, suddenly feeling embarrassed at the situation, “I have a flat tire down the road and I was wondering if I could use your telephone.”

His smile turned into a grin. “Well ma’am, you came to the right place. I’m sure we can help you. There’s probably quite a few guys who’d volunteer to change your tire.”

“Lot’s, huh?” Knowing it was the statement of an all boy facility, I shook my head at the grinning young man. “I just need to use your phone, if that’s okay. It’s a rental car and I want to find out what they want me to do.”

“Sure thing.” Turning, he pointed to the imposing red brick building behind him. “Go right in there to the front desk. They’ll be able to help you.”

“Thanks.” I started off towards the building, wondering what I would find. The complex looked similar to the few other private schools I’d seen - barring the large brick wall. Going up the wide steps and inside the double doors I found that inside it was quiet and very impressive.

Everything was either polished wood or brass with large tinted windows and marble columns, dominated by a large crest in the middle of the entryway floor. To my left was a sitting area with plush leather couches surrounding a rock fireplace. To my right appeared the reception desk as described by the guard. I walked up, finding a nice looking older woman there.

“May I help you?” She asked with a welcoming smile.

“Hello,” I smiled back, really feeling silly now about the whole thing. I licked my suddenly dry lips, and glanced around at the empty lounge/reception area. I felt a little intimidated by the place--it was so quiet and reserved. Oh well. “I was told by the guard outside that I could use your telephone? I have a flat tire down the road on my rental car.”

“Of course!” She smiled sympathetically and raised her hand to point back to where the couches were. “There’s one right over there on the table. Just dial 9.”

“Thanks.” Going back to the little lounge area, I got out my rental agreement. Fortunately there was no problem contacting them, and I was just hanging up when I realized the background noise had grown and some kind of commotion was going on behind me.

I stood up, turning around to see several young men in tan pants, burgundy button up shirts and short dark ties milling around a young man standing in the middle. His young face looked like he’d been in a fight and gotten the raw end of it. All the boys were shouting - some of them pushing at him - and the receptionist was trying to get them to calm down. I heard her voice quavering as she tried to exude authority and persuasion at the same time, trying to get the boys to tell her what the problem was.

Obviously it wasn’t working, and I debated offering my help. What in the world could I do? Should I even interfere when it wasn’t any of my business?

Sighing, I pulled my purse strap back over my shoulder and took a deep breath to steady my suddenly shaking nerves. Heavens, they’re just teenagers, I reminded myself. It only helped a little and biting my lip, I walked over to her desk, having to pass the young men to do so.

Suddenly all the shouting stopped. There was silence for a moment before a couple of them whistled. I smiled a little weakly at them and wished I had thought of something else, like sneaking back out the large front doors when no one was looking.

“Well, well,” one of the young men said, eyeing me with a leer. “Look what just dropped in, guys.”

I groaned inwardly, ignoring him. I have no illusions about my looks--I know I’m not ugly, but I also know I’m no beauty. I figured there must not be a lot of women at the facility.

“She’s a looker.”

“Maybe she’s a new teacher...” was a wistful comment.

“I’d take that class.” A couple of them elbowed each other and I felt the beginnings of a blush working its way up my neck.

“What are you doing here, beautiful?” a deep voice from among them tried to catch my attention as I finally reached the reception desk.

I realized with some relief that they had calmed down, and the receptionist was smiling gratefully at me. I turned, putting the firm counter at my back, observing that the beaten boy in the middle seemed to relax a little, looking at me as well. His face was a mess! I almost gasped out loud.

“Well,” I coughed to clear my throat, managing to find my voice. “I’m just in a little bit of trouble, boys.” Trying to keep my voice light, I pretended there was nothing out of the ordinary going on. Only, how do you pretend you don’t see someone that has blood dripping from a cut above his eye and obvious swelling going on around his mouth and chin?

I took a deep breath, fixing my smile on. I could do this. “I have a flat tire a little way down the road and the guard out front tells me he’s sure lots of guys here would help me change it.” I put my hands on my hips, tilting my head to one side--hoping to make them think I was totally at ease with their attention, something I’d seen a roommate do. “Now, that sounds like he’s trying to pull some kind of Polish joke on me. It doesn’t take too many guys to change a tire on my little Honda unless you’re planning to pick it up!”

As they all laughed, I realized even the receptionist seemed relieved that I had intervened. I sighed, realizing I must have learned more than I’d thought from that long departed roommate.

“Well, I’m sure we can help the lady,” one of the boys stepped forward, flexing his large biceps that seemed to strain the sleeves of his shirt. “Even if we do have to pick up the car.”

They laughed again at that and one of his pals punched him in the arm. “Yeah, that’s your favorite thing, JJ,” he said. “Helping out the ladies.”

“Helping them into his bed is more like it,” the kid in the middle muttered between swollen lips, causing them all to chuckle appreciatively.

I wasn’t sure if he was warning me or joining in the ribbing, but I took the hint. “Now then, boys,” I said, definitely ready to get out of there. “Who wants to help me out? I only need one or two of you.” Actually, I wasn’t sure I wanted help from any of them--the way they were all poking each other and leering at me, but I didn’t know how to get out of it now.

“Hi guys, what’s going on?” A deep voice from behind me cut into the chatter and laughter among the boys. “Hey Dave,” the voice seemed to take on a steel quality, although still trying to convey nonchalance--and I realized he was speaking to the poor beat up kid in the middle. “What happened to you? You look like you ran into a brick wall.”

“More like a brick wall landed on him,” someone chuckled cruelly in the back.

Finally, the man stepped into my range of vision--the owner of this rich deep voice which seemed to vibrate inside of me. Tanned, tall, broad shouldered, and light haired, he held my interest has none had for a while. He had a strong presence and seemed to be quite at ease in his dress slacks and button up shirt. His tie was just a little loose, causing me to grin. How men hate their ties! I glanced away, trying to hide my grin and caught a look of pure relief coming from Dave, the kid with the face.

What ever had been going on, he had been in serious trouble. My earlier nervousness returned, and I became anxious to be out of there. I was surprised to find this kind of tension and confrontation in a setting that had only moments ago been quiet and hushed. I slowly inched toward the end of the counter as the deep voiced man came stepped closer to the group.

“Hey Mr. Palmer,” one of them said lamely.

At the name Palmer I gasped and turned again, trying to get a closer look. Palmer? Was he a relative I didn’t know about? I didn’t recognize him–-although, I reminded myself, watching as the boys warily backed up from his approach--I hadn’t seen any of them in at least three or four years.

“Hey, Bill,” Mr. Palmer greeted another student, his voice relaying something I couldn’t quite catch. The rest of the young men did though, and they shrugged, glancing around at each other as the atmosphere lightened a bit. However, it was apparent this problem was not going to blow over and be forgotten.

I bit my lip as Dave nodded his head toward me. No, not me! “The lady seems to have a flat tire down the road and was looking for some help.” How he managed to get any words out of those swollen lips, I had no idea, but suddenly I realized the teacher was now looking at me.

As he looked at me, I met his prepared expression with one of my own--only to find myself gazing into the bluest eyes I’d ever seen. The kind of blue that you see when the sun is setting and one edge of sky is dark and the other is gold and pink--in between is this blue that caught my breath.

“Angela?” I heard him utter in surprise. “Angela, is that you?” He seemed stunned.

It occurred to me in that moment of breathlessness that he was indeed related to the Palmers--who else would know my name? “Yes,” I said slowly, still trying to catch my breath. “I’m Angela. Who are you?” I had known this person before and not remembered him? That wouldn’t be possible! He wasn’t someone you could forget.

“Sean, Sean Palmer.” Suddenly he smiled, making those blue eyes sparkle. “Don’t worry,” he chuckled at my obvious confusion. “You haven’t met me. At least not for over 10 years.”

“Oh.” I felt ridiculous, standing in the middle of a croud of young men in a large reception area, having this conversation. I hadn’t seen him for 10 years? How could I have forgotten him? “I’m sorry I don’t remember you.”

“That’s okay,” he shrugged. “My parents have lots of pictures of you and your parents. I guess I have the advantage.”

He then seemed to realize where we were standing as well, and rolled his eyes. Was he was blushing? I felt the familiar heat going up my own cheeks as the kids started laughing and elbowing each other. I sighed, wishing there was a way to control it, but there never was.

“Okay guys,” Sean turned to face the boys standing behind him after a quick wink at me. “Who wants to help out our friend here?”

They all wanted to volunteer, of course, raising their arms and calling out their abilities. Amazingly, Sean picked Dave and one other kid named Brian to help. Didn’t Dave need stay and see a doctor?

“C’mon, we’ll go in my car. No reason for us to walk back and forth.” I felt him grab my elbow, a little startled still by what was happening, and propel me forward. “You guys all get back to where you’re supposed to be,” he said over his shoulder, and I looked at him questioningly as his voice had gone hard. He ignored me, and marched us through the doors--Dave and Brian following behind.

“Are you very far away?” he asked, glancing at me.

I shook my head. That hard tone in his voice had woke me up to the fact I knew nothing about this man-–gorgeous or no--and he was taking me out to his car! So what if he recognized me and knew my name, what was I to think about a man who could control teenagers with a voice of iron?

He led us to a black Toyota 4Runner, silently opening the passenger door for me before seeing to the back one for Dave and Brian. He moved quickly, as if he was anxious to get off the school grounds, and started the car – still without saying a word. The minute we were past the security guard at the gate, his handsome face turned grim.

“How are you, Dave?” he asked bluntly. “Do you need to go to the ER?”

“I’m not sure,” came the low reply from the back. “I’m not feeling too great, but it’s mostly bruises, I think.” He sighed and I glanced back at him worriedly.

“We could go to the hospital first if we need to...Sean,” I ventured hesitantly. “I’m more concerned about Dave. It’s not that crucial to change the tire.”

He turned to smile at me, the effect making his whole face lighten up. “I think we’ll be okay. I don’t want mom and dad to be worrying about you.”

I smiled at the mention of his parents, my heart beginning to warm at his concern. “Okay.”

He glanced up at the rearview mirror so he could see Dave. “What was that all about back there?”

Dave managed a shrug, but Brian–who appeared nervous just to be in the car with us--glanced at me, bit his lip, as if deciding something.

“They were blaming him, sir,” he finally blurted out, his hands twisting together. I decided he was really nervous about being with Sean and perhaps Dave. “There was another drug search.”

Sean glanced at Dave again. “They decided you had finked?”

Dave nodded, moving his head gingerly. “Yeah...again. It always falls on me.”

I looked out the window, remembering what we were in the car for in the first place, and spotted the Honda.

“There it is,” I said, pointing so Sean could stop.

He nodded and the car fell silent as we pulled up behind the little car and climbed out. Brian went to inspect the tire and Sean came over to get the keys from me. As he was opening the trunk, Dave clambered out, coming to stand by me.

“I want to thank you for trying to help back there,” he said, his voice gruff.

I looked at him surprised. “I thought I was doing a good job of acting.” Going back over the events in my mind, I had to chuckle. “I think playing the flirt comes too easy for me. I’ve never tried it before.”

He smiled crookedly, making me wince in sympathy over his split lip. “You did great. I - I saw your look when you realized they were harassing me. I appreciate it.”

“You’re welcome,” I suddenly felt a little uncomfortable with the conversation, I hadn’t expected any thanks. “I’m sure the receptionist had already sent for help and it would have been there any minute.”

“Maybe,” he acknowledged with a shrug and looked away, but the expression on his face told me he doubted it. After a moment he glanced back at me, licking his raw lip hesitantly. “I just want you to know I owe you one.” He turned and went to join Sean and Brian--attempting to help with the tire.

Watching him go, I was amazed. I vaguely heard Sean tell him to get back in the car, but I’m sure my chin was touching the ground. That was the most unusual encounter I had ever had. I was sure his announcement didn’t mean much--I wouldn’t be seeing him again anyway. It was interesting to me that he would feel that way. Most of the kids I’d known would have been angry and or embarrassed, claiming they hadn’t needed any help.

I’d never had anyone say they owed me one before. It was an interesting feeling. It concerned me a little that he hadn't thought help would come from the receptionist, but then perhaps he wasn't on good terms with the staff. Who knew.

In a few minutes the spare tire was on and they were putting the flat in the trunk. Sean came over and I smiled at him, wondering where he had been all those years.

He came to a stop next to me, biting his bottom lip, hands in his pockets, obviously uneasy about something.

“What’s wrong?” I asked, wanting to chuckle at the ‘little boy’ look.

“Angela,” he reached over, turning me a little away from his car so the boys couldn’t hear us. “Do you think you could avoid telling my parents about what happened? Not about the car, I mean about the fight.”

“Oh,” I looked at him surprised. “Sure. No problem. May I ask why?”

He shrugged, watching Brian tease Dave who mumbled back as they loaded the jack back into the 4runner. “They aren’t comfortable with my working at the Academy. They think I could do more good if I was working at Astoria High or something.”

“Oh.” Suddenly I felt as if I had forgotten most of the English language. Sighing in frustration at my reaction, I looked down at my feet, trying to have logical thoughts about his parents and the situation. This was going to be the pits of a vacation if I couldn’t talk the whole time. Why was I was so tongue-tied with Sean? Just because he was the handsome man I’d seen in a long time?

The boys ambled over, Brian handing me the keys. “Here you go, Miss, it’s all ready.”

“Thanks guy’s, I really appreciate it,” I assured them, smiling to let them know I meant it.

They both grinned, Dave wincing as he did so, causing Brian to roll his eyes. “Come on, Dave, let’s get in the car.” Grabbing his arm he pushed him toward the car and I glanced up at Sean who was looking at me strangely--almost wistfully.

“Thanks for all your help,” I said, feeling rather foolish as I put out my hand. No one seems to shake hands anymore, but it was something instilled in me by my parents. He smiled suddenly, as if I’d offered him a million dollars.

“You’re very welcome, Angel.” His voice was husky, and it did strange things to my insides as did his touch. His hand was warm and firm and held mine as if to keep me safe-–strange it would make me think that.

And the way he shortened my name! I blushed, thinking the way he said it made it like a caress. I looked at his face, startled by my reaction to him. His eyes grabbed my attention--they were a deeper blue, richer--and I thought inanely that if there were water that color anywhere, I’d drown willingly.

“Hey, Mr. Palmer, let’s get goin’!” Brian’s shout from the car startled me, making me jump and let go of Sean’s hand. For a moment he seemed disoriented, then he shook his head. He frowned briefly, glancing back at his car.

“Coming, guys.” He looked back at me, other concerns now making his expression somber. “I need to get Dave to the hospital.” He ran a hand around the back of his neck, shifting a little – almost like he was reluctant to leave. “Angel, do you remember how to get to my parents house?”

I smiled at his concern, the warmth in his eyes making my stomach twist in unfamiliar knots. “I’m not sure, but I brought your address. Is it hard to find?”

He gave a lopsided grin, standing a little taller. “No, it’s not. You’ll be fine.” He turned and headed for his car and the minute those eyes left mine, it was as if I was suddenly alone--bereft. I couldn’t help it, I had to know if I was going to see him again.

“Sean,” I called, stepping forward to get his attention.

He paused, turning with a slight smile on his handsome tanned face. “Yeah?”

“Are you going to be at your parent’s later?”

He grinned and I gulped, knowing I’d been too obvious. “I’ll be there tonight, Angel.” He reached out as if to touch me, and then he was getting into his 4Runner and I had to turn back to the Honda.

Sighing, I got inside the car and looked at the steering wheel. What was wrong with me? I’ve never acted like this before. I’ve met some good--looking men before--but this was crazy! I shook my head, starting the car with too much force, making it grind. I needed to get my head together or I would be sorry. Sean didn’t want some girl he hardly knew drooling over him. I sighed again, pulling out onto the highway. I had never drooled before! I was sick, that was it. I was glad I had time before he came home--maybe I’d have pulled myself together by then.

Chapter 3

The rest of the drive seemed anti-climactic as I drove into Astoria and looked around. The town seemed much the same as I remembered it. The Palmers lived behind Astoria, around the bend so to speak. I realized that the way seemed familiar as I drove down the narrow road with few houses, and came to a stop in front of one that was set back off the road a ways with a large lawn.

The house itself was a log cabin design that Bill Palmer had drawn up and built himself. That was his living--log homes. He had made his own home a showcase of what he could do. He’d made all the wood furniture inside of it as well.

As I gazed at it, I remembered my parents had a huge four poster bed with 10 inch wide turned posts he had made for them. I looked down at my hands, remembering sitting on that bed and talking to them about my dates, or what they were planning on doing that day. Now the bed was in storage, and I realized I felt like I had been in emotional storage until the Palmer’s had sent the letter.

Someone had opened the door and I sensed I was afraid of what was inside. I wasn’t sure I wanted to come out where I could be hurt again.

I started the car and turned down into the driveway to the garage and turned it off. The peace and quiet enveloped me like an old friend. I had always felt like they lived in their own private forest. They were surrounded on all sides by fern and thick pine trees. The birds calling loudly was the only sound.

“Oh boy,” I said out loud, getting out of the car and leaning on the roof. “This is home.”

Suddenly I heard a screen door slam and a woman in her late 50's, wearing an apron over slacks and light blue blouse ran out to stand in the walk to the driveway. I turned to look at her, realizing it was Maribel Palmer. She hadn’t gained an ounce since my youthful recollections. Her hair had become more gray than brown, and her face a little more lined, but she still glowed with health and vitality that seemed to rub off on everything around her.

“Mari?” I said softly, not knowing what to do.

She took a couple of steps toward me. “Angela, is that you?”

“Oh Mari!” I came out from behind the car and ran to give her tight hug.

“Angela, it’s so good to see you!” Mari’s voice quivered with emotion. “Let me look at you!”

I stood back so we could get a better look at each other.

“Oh, you’ve grown lovely, my dear!” she said, her expression tender. “I wish your parents were here to see you.”

I gulped, reminded of how often I had come here with them. “I wish they were too.” I realized with a jolt that I hadn’t had anyone to share my grief with. No one who had really known my parents like the Palmers. I felt tears in my eyes and took a shaky breath. This was ridiculous, I felt like a child.

Mari pulled me back into her arms and held my head against her shoulder. “It’s alright, Angela. Go ahead and cry. It will be good for you.”

And at her words, I felt a flood gate open somewhere inside and out came the tears. I hadn’t realized it was still there--the pain, the loneliness, and the sorrow. I didn’t cry for very long before I was able to calm down and relax, letting it slowly seep out of me.

“Coming here was the best idea,” I said brokenly, as I pulled away. “Why did you suggest it?”

Mari smiled and pulled a tissue out of her pocket to hand to me. “I’m not sure exactly, I just knew it was time to end your self imposed exile and come back.”

I smiled back at her. “I didn’t know I was. I didn’t know about anything. I just know I’m home. Thank you so much!”

Mari’s smile seemed to grow. “You’re very welcome. Now, come on in and relax. We have a wonderful weekend planned. After that, you have your choice.”

I chuckled, knowing I was in for a tiring weekend, knowing Mari. As we went inside the cabin-like house, I realized that my sorrow and some of the grief were gone, lightly washed away with the tears.

Inside was much as I had remembered. The walls were all plastered except for the large family room that had the log interior. It was decorated with taste and blending colors. A little bit country, a little bit Colonial, but it mixed well the way she had done it. She led me to the kitchen where it looked like she was in the middle of something.

“I guess I interrupted your baking,” I said, glancing at the flour and other ingredients scattered about the counter.

Mari chuckled. “Now, Angie, since when have you known me not to be baking?”

I laughed and sat down on one of the wood bar stools next to her. “That’s true. It’s too bad your only daughter, if I remember correctly, can’t even mix up a cake from a box.”

Mari made a wry face. “All too true,” she admitted, stirring something in a large bowl with a wooden spoon. “Les has no inclination to be in the kitchen at all.”

I shook my head. “What is Les doing now?”

Mari sighed. “She’s traveling. She doesn’t know what she wants to do. She decided to drive down the coast and end up in San Diego. I asked her to stay home and get a job in Seaside or something, but she felt she needed a break after college and had money saved up, so I couldn’t talk her out of it. She’s an adult now.” Mari paused in her mixing, a wistful expression on her face. “It’s hard to believe my baby is all grown up and graduated from college.”

I smiled. “Just think, your little baby girl will get married soon and have little babies of her own and then you’ll have grandchildren!”

She gasped, in pretend outrage. “Oh no! I’m not old enough to be a grandma!”

I laughed at her expression. “Mari, you’re the youngest mother of adult’s I know!”

She laughed with me. “Oh my, Angie, I have missed you!”

“I’ve miss you too. It’s so good to be here.”

We grinned at each other and then Mari sighed--a relaxed sound--as she stirred what she was making for a minute more before pouring it into a waiting pan. The silence was peaceful and I relished the feeling of being home.

“Do you remember where your room was?” She asked after a moment.

I nodded, smiling fondly at the memory of a small room with a twin bed, a dresser and bookshelves with matching bedspread and curtains.

“Well, why don’t you go and take your stuff up while I finish up here.”

“Okay.” I jumped up and went out to the car to grab one of my cases. I had packed more than I usually did, but I wanted to be prepared. I lugged the first one to the house and up the stairs to the loft area where my room was. I dropped the suitcase on the bed, and sighed.

She hadn’t changed a thing. It looked just as I had remembered. She had changed the curtains and bedspread, but the rest was just the same. I went over to the window and opened it, letting in the cool breeze blowing through the trees. I stepped back and lay down on the bed. It was so good to be back. I couldn’t get over how wonderful it felt.

I closed my eyes and soaked up the feeling of peace and contentment. I hadn’t felt like this in a long time.

Chapter 4

The next thing I knew, I felt something touching my cheek.

“Angel. Angel wake up.”

I didn’t want to wake up. This was the best sleep I’d had in a long time. “No.” I muttered, and rolled over only to find myself pressed against a warm, solid body. My eyes shot open in surprise to see Sean, kneeling next to the bed, a humorous expression on his face. “Oh!” I gasped and sat up straight. “Sean! What are you doing here?”

He smiled lazily, making my heart race even faster. “Mom said she had sent you up to unpack and hadn’t seen you since.” He pointed over to the door. “I brought up your other suitcase.”

“Um, thanks.” I tried to relax and take stock. I couldn’t believe he was so close to me! “That's great. I hadn’t realized how heavy they were.” I sighed, wondering how much of a mess I was. I put a hand up to see how my hair was, and Sean reached over to stop it.

“Don’t,” he said, his voice husky. “It looks fine. You look wonderful. If you always wake up looking like this, your husband is going to be one lucky man.”

I could only gape at him in shock. “Husband?” I looked wonderful? What in the world was he talking about? “I don’t have a husband,” I said inanely, still feeling as if I was missing something.

He smiled, his eyes shining. “I know. But that situation isn’t going to last very long.” He leaned over and touched my flushed cheeks. “I’ll see you downstairs.”

I watched him leave in amazement. What was that all about? I shook my head, trying to clear the last bit of sleep out. Goodness! I hadn’t taken a nap in a long time. I glanced at my watch and groaned. I had been asleep for more than an hour! No wonder Mari had wondered what had happened to me. I stood up and noticed the other suitcase on the floor.

Sean. He sure wasn’t what I would have expected. How come I couldn’t remember meeting him before?

I sighed and looked at myself in the mirror hung over the dresser. As I did, I had to smile wryly. I used to be barely able to see my face when we had first come to visit. Now I could see myself easily and in doing so, I had to shake my head. He thought this was wonderful? My hair was flying away and my face was all flushed from sleep--I looked a mess.

“Oh boy, I think that man needs glasses!” I quickly tamed my hair with a brush, and rubbed my cheeks to try and wake up. I finally felt presentable and went downstairs to hear Sean talking with his mother.

“See what you’ve missed all these years?” Mari was saying in a teasing tone.

I heard a deep sigh. “You’re not kidding, Mom. Her photo doesn’t do her justice. Did she tell you that she had a flat tire on the way here?” I bit my lip as I realized I was eavesdropping.

Good grief! I thought, and walked into the kitchen before I heard anymore.

Mari looked up at me from the pan she was pouring some milk into, her eyes showing concern. “Angie, did you have a flat tire?”

“Oh yes! I forgot to tell you, I was so excited to be here.” I glanced over at Sean who had changed from his work clothes and looked even more handsome in worn blue jeans and white T-shirt.

He smiled at me. “Yeah, she had the guys all drooling and begging to change it for her.”

Now she looked faintly alarmed and I remembered what Sean had said about his parent’s feelings on his working there.

“Yeah. I couldn’t believe it, those poor guys.” I rolled my eyes as I sat down on a barstool. “You’d think they hadn’t seen a girl before.”

Sean chuckled and Mari managed a smile.

“I mean," I continued, picking up an apple on the counter and rolling it between my hands. "all I did was ask who wanted to help me change my tire and the whole group about did back flips to help me.” I shook my head as the situation seemed much funnier now when I looked back on it. Poor Dave had been so relieved!

“That reminds me, how is Dave?” I blurted out before I realized what I was saying.

Sean’s face went blank, and I could have kicked myself.

“Dave?" Mari repeated, her gaze on Sean. "Isn’t that the same young man who got beat up last month?”

“Beat up? Dave got beat up?” I looked at Sean, hoping my dismay was obvious and that I could save the situation. “That poor kid! Having the tire iron fall on his foot must have seemed like the last straw.”

Sean burst out laughing. “You should have seen the look on his face while he tried to keep from swearing,” he said, winking at me.

I hated lying, but I didn’t want to get into deep water before I understood what was going on. I hoped Sean would explain it all later.

“Dave helped you change your tire? How did you know who he was?” Mari pointed the question to me having abandoned her cooking for a moment, hands on her hips, her puzzlement clear.

I sighed inwardly. Oh the tangled web we weave when we first try to deceive, or something like that, I sternly told myself. When would I ever learn to keep my mouth shut?

“I was lucky.” I told her, hoping my tone was light. “Sean happened by at the moment and just grabbed two of them. I didn’t want all of them to come!” I was honestly horrified by that picture.

Mari chuckled. “No, I wouldn’t think so. That brings to mind visions of an army of men picking up a little car to take the wheel off.”

I laughed and glanced at Sean who nodded his head slightly, enabling me to relax. Apparently I had chosen the right direction.

“So,” I said, letting the tension ease with a soft sigh. “Can I help you do anything?”

Mari shook her head. “No, dinner’s almost ready. We’re having what used to be your favorite - Hawaiian Sundays.”

“Oh wow!” I exclaimed, surprised. “I haven’t had that in ages. That will be great.” I stood up, urgently feeling the need to get out of the room. “Well, I think I’ll go for a walk. I still need to wake up a bit. I can’t believe I fell asleep.”

“You probably need it.” Mari stated with a nod, thoroughly involved with her cooking again. “Just run along. I’ll call you when it’s ready.”

I grinned at Sean, recognizing that she was speaking to me like she had when I was a kid, before quickly leaving the kitchen. My insides were quaking. Man, what he did to me. Just being in the same room with him turned me to jelly! I decided a brisk walk was in order to see if I could get him out of my system.

Trying not to slam the screen door, I started off down the driveway to the road, walking briskly. I could feel my muscles stretch with the effort. I hadn’t gotten a whole lot of exercise lately, and my body was informing me. Sighing, I slowed down.

I didn’t feel like punishing myself, and I realized I was trying to run away from what Sean. I hadn’t felt anything for a man in a long time - I was a little scared. I had definitely never felt anything like I'd felt while he was around.

“Must be what they mean by chemistry,” I muttered, kicking at the rocks in the road. I looked up at the lush ferns and growth at the side of the road in frustration. “That’s all it is.” And that could really make things messy if he didn't feel any attraction for me. The way I was feeling, even now the butterflies were winding up through my stomach - I wouldn’t be able to stay very long.

I groaned and looked up at the sky. Why in the world did I have to feel this way now for a man I hardly knew? Let alone, so far from home. Everyone knew long distance relationships rarely worked out.

Hearing a car behind me, I got off the road so they wouldn't worry about hitting me. It slowed to right along side me and I turned to see the object of my thoughts in his 4runner.

“Hey, Angel,” he said, his voice stopping all coherent thought. “I’m going into town to get some stuff for mom. Want to come?”

I couldn’t believe this. How was I going to straighten my thoughts out when I couldn’t think? “Sure Sean,” I heard myself saying, stopping so he could pull over. I got in and was reaching to pull my door closed, when his voice stopped me.

“Oh no, you don’t! It would be very hard to explain to mom why you came back with your arm in a cast.”

I gaped at him in confusion as he got out and shut my door. I Looked down at my arm and then at the door, then looked back at him as he got in to started the car. “What do you mean?” I finally said, still confused. “Why would I have my arm in a cast?”

He flashed me a handsome grin. “Because you opened and closed your door one too many times. I’ve broken arms far quicker than this, but I was giving you time to pick up on what was going on. I decided I would rather warn you than break the arm. Broken arms rather complicate vacations a little bit.”

I laughed a little nervously, was he serious?, “You're crazy!” I told him, shaking my head. “I can open my own door!”

“Oh sure,” he nodded in agreement. “But didn’t you know it’s a known scientific fact that opening and closing doors weakens the arm muscles on a woman and strengthens them on a man?”

I laughed, this time in true relief. He was a nut! I felt a warm pleasant feeling come over me at his sense of humor and the fact that he insisted upon being a gentleman.

“Well, I’ll have to keep that in mind.” I said, still smiling. Suddenly I felt wonderful. I was enjoying myself in this man’s company!

“Now let me see,” My own sense of humor was returning from the haze my mind had disappeared to originally when I'd heard his voice. “Does that mean the opposite is true with cabinet doors? Say, in the kitchen?”

“Well,” he drawled, his eyes on the road. “Except of course the refrigerator. That one is equal strength to everybody.”

“I should have known!” I chuckled, putting a hand to my head. “But then, I guess washers and dryers would be the same?”

“Oh no!” was the quick reply. “They’re definitely weakening for the man! I tell you, haven’t you seen some of the weaklings in the Laundromat?”

I laughed again. “You nut!” I said with a smile at him. “Your mom is full of blarney! She says I’m the only one that makes her laugh. That can’t be true with you there.”

He fell suddenly quiet, and I felt that I’d said something wrong. I bit my lip and looked out the window. What had I said?

I heard a deep sigh and a warm strong hand enclosed mine. “I’m sorry, Angel.” he said, and I felt the now familiar melting at the way he shortened my name. “It’s not your fault.” He looked over at me, and I couldn’t say a word. His touch was setting my stomach to flying with butterflies again.

“You see,” he continued, giving my hand a slight squeeze, before letting go. “I haven’t been home much. Actually, when you think about the fact you don’t remember me, you shouldn’t be surprised.”

I thought on that for a moment and then looked at his somber profile. “How old are you?” It was a blunt question, but I figured it was the shortest route to the answer I wanted.

He grinned wryly over at me knowing, I’m sure, what I was asking. “I’m 30. Believe it?”

I chuckled and shook my head. Pretty much what I had thought. “I'm not shocked, I knew you were older than me. Let’s see,” I counted back the years to when I remembered coming to visit his family. “We started coming out here when I was 10 or 11, I think. You were probably in college then.”

He nodded as he pulled into the parking lot of a small grocery store. “You got it. I was 19, in my freshman year at OSU. Your family came out the end of August, I think. I remember meeting your parents and I think running into you as I was going out the door.” He stopped and got out of the car to let me out.

“I can’t believe it,” I said with a laugh. “You remember it?”

“Don’t be too impressed,” he warned me, holding the store door open. “It’s only a vague glance at a little kid who was in my was as I was leaving.” He sighed and led the way to the frozen foods department. “I had gotten real full of myself and couldn’t stand being at home. I was going to be living on campus and going to the U. I was hot stuff. I let my parents know it too.”

“You weren’t the first kid to do that,” I assured him as we glanced at the ice cream.

“No,” he agreed. “But it seemed to last a long time. I haven’t had much to do with my family since then. I guess it’s only been a year or so that I’ve really spent time at home. Out of 10 or so years, that doesn’t amount to much.”

I felt a little stunned, and perhaps chilled by his admission. What had happened to cause his own personal exile? Sean reached into the freezer and grabbed a half gallon of vanilla ice cream. We were silent as we went towards the cashier.

“I guess I’ve shocked you, haven’t I?” Sean said finally as we headed for the car. He sounded remote, as if he had expected me to shy away from him at his disclosure.

Sighing, I shook my head. I wasn’t that shallow. “I think I’m more surprised.” I finally admitted after we were both in the car. “Your family always seemed so happy. The thing is,” and I wondered if this would hurt him, “I had no idea you even existed.”

He stopped at the entrance to the street and looked at me closely. “Really? That’s why you were so confused this afternoon.”

I nodded. “It appeared you knew all about me, and I had no idea who you were.”

Sean chuckled. “Well that’s a twist. Shall I tell you how I know about you?”

I met his glance warily. “I’m not sure I want to be reminded of all my exploits during my teens.”

He grinned. “You forget, I was rarely home during that time, and It wasn’t until two Christmas’s ago that I saw your picture for the first time.”

“Oh!” I gasped softly, remembering which picture that he would have seen. “That would have to be,”

“The one taken with your parents before the accident,” he finished for me, his face showing sympathy.

I looked away, remembering that picture and how carefree I’d been. It had been during my first year of college. What a year that had turned out to be.

Silence reigned in the car for a moment and then I heard him sigh. “I wish I could have been there to help,” he said, his voice deep with remorse.

I smiled weakly, glancing over at him. “It wouldn’t have made much of a difference," I tried to reassure him. "I still didn’t know you.”

“Oh Angel,” he shook his head, his voice husky. “You have been through so much!”

I shrugged, feeling suddenly bleak, all the feelings I'd experienced with his mother earlier back in full force. Why did he care anyway? I’d never really met him before today. The doubts filled me as the emotions waved through me and suddenly I wasn’t sure why I was here. I should never have come to this place which lived and breathed with memories of my parents.

Suddenly I was shaken from my thoughts by the car coming to a squealing stop. I looked out a little wide eyed, realizing we weren’t at the house. I felt the beginnings of panic inside, and watched Sean get out of the car before coming around to open my door. I looked at him blankly, taking in his grim expression.

“Come on,” he said, pulling me out. He kept hold of my hand, leading me to a little grassy area and pulling me down to sit by him. I looked at the quiet beauty around me with dull eyes, wondering if there would ever really be any healing in my heart.

Silently, Sean put his arm around my shoulder, pulling me against him and holding me tight. I felt so numb, it didn't register or surprise me.

“I know you don’t really know me,” he whispered in my ear, his warm breath and soft voice sending chills down my spine. “But I know all my parents knew of you, and I want to know more. I know you’ve had great sadness, but look at the beauty around you.”

He was silent for a few moments, letting the peace and quiet sink in. After a few minutes, he turned me toward him, cupping my face in his large hands. “I feel I have known you forever. Will you accept that I understand how you feel and that I want to ease your pain?”

I looked at him mutely, vaguely able to grasp what he was saying. He wanted to help me?

He shook his head in frustration and pulled me into his arms, holding me so close I could hear his heart beating. I let myself stay in his arms for several minutes, soaking in his warmth and caring - feeling safe for the first time in a long while. It was incredible.

I almost felt like a little girl in my father’s arms. Only, it wasn’t quite the same. The man holding me now was alive and warm and strong. He seemed to be interested in making me happy. It was amazing. I didn’t remember ever feeling like before.

And for the first time, I felt a strange twist in my stomach and a slight feeling of shock. I wanted a man to hold me. I wanted this man to hold me. I knew what he was offering wasn't meant that way - he was showing me that no matter how forbidding life seemed in the future, he wanted to be there for me.

Whimpering softly at the crazy emotions and thoughts going through my head, I put my arms around his waist and held on tight. I was scared and in heaven all at the same time, and I didn’t want it to end.

I was drawn to this man - his warmth and caring was beginning to crack the lonely shell I’d kept around my heart. Gradually, I realized I felt more at peace with things, as well as comforted.

He had wanted me to know him - to understand him. For some reason it was important, and I wanted him to know I accepted him how he was. Before I could say anything, Sean pulled back and caressed my face in his hands.

“Are you okay now, Angel?” His face was solemn and his voice gentle.

I nodded. “Much better. Thank you, Sean. I’m sorry I,”

He put a finger to my lips. “I don’t want to hear it, okay? Let’s just go back. Moms probably starting to worry.”

I nodded and let him lead me back to the car. Boy, what a strange day. Sean probably thought I was the most psycho girl he knew.

He closed my door and went around to get in. As I watched him, a sudden shyness gripped me, and I wondered how to pull myself together. I had things I needed to say to him, but they were all jumbled in my head.

“Angel,” he said softly, reaching over to cover one of my hands with his. “Don’t worry about things. Just enjoy the peace and quiet and sit back. Let’s not complicate things.”

I bit my lip at his astuteness and tried to relax. He was right. I was being too sensitive and the things I had to say could be said later.

It didn’t take long to get back to the house and Mari looked up from where she was sitting in the family room, looking through a magazine.

“There you are!" she said with a relieved smile. "Bill just got home so we’re ready to eat.” She got up and spotted the ice cream. “Oh you did get it! Thanks, Sean.” She gave him a teasing grin. “Where did you go? Seaside?”

We followed her into the kitchen, Sean chuckling along with her.

I was surprised that she hadn’t been worried, and grasped the joke was something about how long we were gone. So much for privacy in a family - everyone always seemed to know everything.

The table was set and she started putting the dinner items out as Bill came in.

“Angie! It's good to see you again, gal!” He scooped me into his arms for a big hug. I hugged him back, glad to see him.

A large muscular man with a tanned, lined face and rich brownish red hair, graying just a little at the sides, he looked just as I’ve always pictured a lumberjack to look. He had actually been a lumberjack long ago, according to the stories he’d told me when I was younger. Apparently that was before he’d met Mari and decided it was too dangerous. That was when he began the woodworking, he was a wizard with wood.

He let me go and held me back to look down at me. “You’ve grown a little since I last saw you.” He commented with a smile. “How have you been?”

I shrugged. “Okay. Just living in Utah.”

He grinned. “Why do you want to stay in that grasshopper infested place?”

I shrugged, trying to remember the reply my father had always given him. This had been their standard greeting since I could remember. “Why you want to stay here growing moss between your toes is beyond me.” I countered, grinning up at him.

He roared with laughter and Mari chuckled as Sean looked confused. I sighed with happiness, glad that some things never changed.

I looked up at Sean as he held my chair out for me. “I can’t believe I remembered that after all this time! “That was what your dad and my dad said every time they met. It was like their ritual greeting.”

“Oh,” he said, understanding dawning. I noticed that he didn’t say much after his dad came in the room. Chewing on my lip thoughtfully, I decided it was because when Bill talked, he tended to bellow. It was rather intimidating and everyone seemed to be quieter around him. I hoped that was it.

After we were all seated, Bill started asking me all sorts of questions about my job and where I lived and what I wanted to do. We were almost halfway through dinner by the time he got to that question, and I about choked on my mouthful of food at the bluntness of it.

“So, are you going to waste the rest of your life typing up figures for someone else or are you going to find yourself a real career?” Bill Palmer was a firm believer in free enterprise. He obviously thought I should start some kind of company on my own.

“What did you have in mind?” I asked dryly after managing to swallow.

“Well, something better than what you’re doing,” he said, stabbing the food on his plate. He munched for a minute and then poked the fork in the air toward me. “What ever happened with your painting?”

I made a face and pushed at the food on my plate. I had hoped he wouldn’t bring that up. Especially with the interest Sean was giving the conversation. “Nothing.” I finally muttered.

“What do you mean, nothing?" he demanded in surprise. "You did some mighty nice paintings when you were here.” He gestured toward the living room. “Why, we’ve had lots of people ask about that painting you did for us in there.”

“Probably wanted to know who made the frame,” I said lowly, uncomfortable with the subject. I really had hoped to avoid this whole situation, but I should have known better. The Palmers weren’t going to let it go, painting had been a large part of my visits before.

“That big picture in the living room?” Sean’s voice broke into the silence, his tone one of surprise. “The one of the beach at Seaside?”

I nodded miserably and Bill waved his fork at his son. “Didn’t you know that was done by her? Well, yes sir! She did that in ‘87. Went down and spent the whole day drawin’ and the next day paintin’. Fastest darn painter I ever saw.” He glanced over at me and I knew a blush was rising. I never felt comfortable with someone praising me.

“What style did you say it was?” he asked, his brows bunched together in concentration. “Naturalist? Where you paint it right there before the light changes, not from a photo? From what I understand, there’s not too many left that do that anymore.”

I shrugged, and felt Sean’s eyes on me. “Well,” he said softly. “That explains a few things.”

“Everyone ready for some desert?” Mari jumped up like she was on a spring and started gathering up dishes.

Both men said yes and I sighed, eyeing my plate. I hadn’t done justice to the Hawaiian Sunday; a wonderful concoction of rice, chicken gravy and toppings you wouldn’t believe, but I didn’t think I could finish it either.

“It sure was fun to have this again, Mari,” I said, standing up to help her.

“What are you doing?” she asked in surprise as followed her into the kitchen. “You get right back there and sit down. This is your first night back, and I didn't plan on you spending it in the kitchen!”

I smiled sheepishly and went back to the table where Bill was telling Sean about the time I had decided to draw a still life of a vase of flowers Mari had sitting on the coffee table with pastels.

“Oh, Bill!” I groaned, mortified at the story and the grin on Sean’s face. “I thought you’d forgotten about that, that was years ago.”

He grinned. “I’ll never forget it!” He handed Mari his plate and sat back in his chair, grinning over at his son who seemed to be soaking in every word of the story. “Here’s this little girl, heart broken because we wouldn’t let her keep her picture.”

“Why not?” Sean wanted to know.

“I had drawn it on the back of some house plans,” I told him with a sigh.

Sean burst out laughing. “Oh no!”

“Oh yes,” Mari said, coming back in with pie and the ice cream we had gotten. “And they were you’re Uncle Jim’s too.” She smiled in recollection as she paused in setting out the plates. “We had a hard time convincing him it wasn’t going to hurt the plans any.”

Sean laughed along with Bill. I had to grin too, remembering all too well how upset I had been. It was pretty humorous now I could look back on it. I’d almost forgotten that incident.

“There now, see?” I said lightly, trying to prove my point. “He wasn’t thrilled with my artwork.”

Mari set the pie down with a thump that made us all jump and glared at me. “What are you saying? That you have no talent?" She shook the pie server at me, and I looked at her in amazement. "You listen to me, Angela Barker; you had better use that pretty head of yours to THINK. You know better.”

She sat down, her lips tight together and her face a little flushed as she cut the pie and started to dish it up.

I was flabbergasted. I’d never seen Mari react to anything like that before. I didn’t want to look at anyone, I was so embarrassed. I hadn’t really meant anything by my joke. The silence seemed to stretch and I bit my lip, mortified to feel tears in my eyes.

This visit just wasn’t going as I'd hoped. I don’t know why I'd thought I could come here and have nothing of the past brought up. It had been totally unrealistic to think so. I sighed, wondering what to say when Sean chuckled, causing us all to look at him. My glance was a bit wary; I wasn’t sure what he was chuckling about.

“So, Mom, which museum had you planned on Angel filling? The Smithsonian?”

“What?” I gasped, trying to understand what he meant.

Mari actually chuckled with him. “Well, no - nothing so grand as that. Maybe just the Portland Art Center or some national exhibit.”

Bill shook his head, obviously relieved that things had lightened up. “You women and your crazy ideas.” He growled before taking a bite of pie.

I glanced at Mari, stunned by what was happening. She smiled gently, and reached over to cover my hand. “I’m sorry, Angie dear. I just had my heart set on you becoming, well, famous! And, well, maybe you’d want someone to manage your shows and stuff." She gave a slight shrug, her cheeks pink with her own embarrassment. "I’m sorry I was so fierce, but I do mean it. You have talent, a gift. You shouldn’t turn it off and hide it. There are so many who would love to share it.”

I gulped and looked at Sean who was somber now, nodding his head slightly in agreement. So - now I was going to need to reevaluate my painting? That was an avenue I hadn’t wanted to explore for years.

I sighed again, and Mari let go of my hand to hand me a plate of pie and ice cream.

“Here, forget all the worries tonight and enjoy the pie. I made it just for you.”

I put the plate down and automatically picked up my fork, but I felt numb. So much had happened in one day, I wasn’t sure I was going to sleep at all. I put a bite of pie in my mouth and had to smile around it. At least one thing always remained a constant. Mari made the best blackberry pie in Astoria.

“Ooh,” I managed to get out after swallowing. “It’s as wonderful as ever!”

“Good!” She said, obviously pleased, and everyone gave the desert their undivided attention. Or I should say almost everyone.

I felt someone looking at me and glanced up to see Sean’s warm blue gaze on me. For some reason the look in those eyes made my knees feel weak, and I was glad to be sitting down.

“So, Angel,” he said, his voice sending the familiar butterflies to my stomach. “Do you have any plans while you are here?”

I shrugged, trying to retain coherent thought. “Not really,” I replied, trying not to stare back at him. Honestly, he had to be the handsomest man I had ever seen. “I had thought I’d like to go to Seaside and down to Tillamook, and maybe go to the falls, but I have loads of time. Why?”

“Well, how would you like to go to Seaside and Tillamook tomorrow? We could make a day of it.”

I gulped, the last bite of pie feeling like it had stuck in my throat. Spend the whole day with this man? I would have to be crazy! “Well sure,” I heard myself saying and panic set in. What was I letting myself in for? “That would be great.”

“We’ve planned a big BBQ for Monday,” Mari said, “won’t that be fun?”

“Oh yes,” I agreed, wondering as I smiled weakly at them if they had my whole vacation planned. “Did you invite all of Astoria?” I added jokingly, and the three of them laughed.

“Heavens no!” She answered, looking startled. “Goodness! Just the neighbors.”

I sighed, glancing over at Sean who was busy finishing his pie. I wasn't sure what I was going to be in for during the next two weeks, but it was certainly nothing I'd planned on.

Chapter 5

The next morning I could have shot myself for agreeing to go - or maybe shoot Sean, since he was the one getting me out of bed at 5 o’clock in the morning. He only gave me a half-hour to get ready! I am not a morning person - my eyelids work better when its midday, actually, but I stumbled out of bed anyway. I had agreed to go after all.

Finally we were on the road in his 4Runner, I was holding a mug of hot cocoa and trying to be excited. I was a little, simply because I was with him. But, it was hard to get my brain to get the message to my body. Sean was smiling an amazingly awake smile at me.

“You’re disgusting,” I muttered, taking a sip of cocoa.

“Why is that?” He asked, showing his surprise.

“You’re happy to be up at o’dark thirty.”

He laughed and turned on the stereo. “Here, listen to some mellow music. This will help you wake up.”

We traveled in pleasant companionship the hour or so it took to get to Seaside. One of the main distinctions the small town had, I suppose, was that it was the end of the Lewis and Clark trail. They also have the friendliest seagulls.

Sean had brought some old bread and we sat on a bench, curled up in a warm blanket, tossing crusts to the birds and watching the beach come to life with the warmth of the sun. It was going to be a beautiful day, and I felt like I was gradually coming to life with the creatures around me. The seagulls were quite daring. One even tried to peck at my shoes!

We spent the morning walking through all the little tourist shops, munching on bagels slathered with cream cheese and drinking juice. I was enchanted with one of the shops that featured blown glass and glass sculptures. There was one that I felt extremely lovely of a delicate rose. The glass had been tinted a shade of pink that made it seem like a frozen flower. I had to buy it.

Sean found a cute one of a angel, and tucked it away in it’s protective wrappings in his large coat pockets before I got a very good look at it. We went back to the car with our purchases, and I realized that I felt relaxed and comfortable in his company. We got back onto the highway and traveled for a while in companionable silence. Then Sean turned to look at me.

“Angel,” he said, his voice hesitating. “Would you be willing to talk about last night?”

My stomach sank to my toes and I wondered why he had brought the topic up. Then I recalled that while we had been walking through the shops in Seaside there had been several galleries as a matter of course, and I had deferred going into any of them. Sean hadn’t said a word, but now he wanted to know.

“I guess not.” I said after a few minutes of desperately trying to think of an alternative. “Why?”

“I’m curious about what happened to make you stop painting. I mean,” he frowned as he concentrated on the traffic. Then he sighed, sounding frustrated. “You apparently had quite a talent going, and now you don’t seem to even miss something that was a part of you for most of your life.” He shook his head. “It’s funny, but my parents never mentioned your painting. It makes me wonder why.”

I chewed on my bottom lip, wondering if I should tell him the whole story, and wondering if he would understand. I wasn’t even sure how I should start. Mari and Bill had kind of found out about my decision to stop painting through due course, but they hadn’t been happy about it. Obviously Mari had hoped I’d changed my mind.

I sighed softly and looked out of the window at the passing pine trees. I was totally at a loss on how to talk to him about this. I hadn’t expected anyone to ask me about it, which I guess was a rather naive thought.

“I didn’t mean to offend you,” Sean said, his voice resigned. “I just want to understand.”

I shook my head. “You didn’t offend me. I was just wondering where to start. I’m not sure I will explain it very well, and I was trying to find the words.”

He glanced at me, his expression open. “Just try.”

I gave a half-hearted grin. “Okay.” I paused to gather my thoughts, still reluctant to open the door to that time - I knew the pain would still be there. “I guess Mari and Bill told you how my parents died?”

He nodded, his eyes on the road. “Yeah, they said they had been killed in a car accident in Utah, a couple years ago now, right?”

I nodded. “Well, the thing was, they were on the road to come see the first real exhibit of my paintings. If they hadn’t been going to see my work, they wouldn’t have been on the road the same time as that drunk.” I had thought I was over my bitterness at the accident, but when I practically spit out the words, I realized I had just buried it all for so long I had forgotten it was there.

I pressed my lips together and stared out the window, blinking at the hot tears running down my cheeks. I still missed them so much! And it was my talent that had brought them to and end. My painting!

Suddenly I realized the car was stopping. Before I could comprehend what was happening, Sean was out of his seat and pulling me out of mine to hold me tightly against him.

“Hush, Angel. Don’t cry so hard!” he whispered, his arms strong and warm around me.

I clung to him, wishing everything could be as it was, and knowing it was all gone. “If they hadn’t been coming, it never would have happened!” I told him in a hoarse whisper. “It’s my fault.”

Sean gasped softly above me, and held me close until I calmed down and the tears dried. I felt weak and drained. I was tired of crying. Sean found some tissue and handed it to me so I could wipe my nose. I was sure I looked quite the picture as he wiped my eyes dry with a gentle hand that almost made me cry again. He was such a gentle person.

He sighed as he finished. “I can’t believe you feel it’s your fault. You can’t blame yourself for their deaths, Angel. Even if they hadn’t been on the road that day, it could have happened another time, another way. It wasn’t your fault the other driver was drunk!”

“You don’t understand!” I cried, grabbing hold of his jacket. “I arranged for the showing! I told them where it was. They almost didn’t go because Dad wasn’t feeling well, but I talked them into it. I was so excited, I couldn’t stand to not have them be there. I talked them into going!”

I must have sounded a little hysterical because Sean leaned back from me and took my face in his hands, his thumbs over my mouth. He made me look him in the face, his expression stern.

“Angela! Listen to me!” his voice was hard, making me look at him with wide eyes. “You did not drive the car that ran into them! You didn’t make your father drive straight through without stopping. You didn’t make him fall asleep at the wheel.”

I let go of his jacked and pushed away, the shock of his words automatically denied. “Fall asleep at the wheel? What are you talking about? A drunk went from his side of the road to theirs and killed them!” I didn’t realize I was yelling until I heard the echo of my voice. I took a gulping breath to calm down and Sean sighed tiredly.

“I really thought you knew the whole story,” he said, running a hand through his hair as I wiped my nose. “I guess you were having a hard enough time dealing with their deaths. My mom and dad were beside themselves too, but they couldn’t stay long enough to do anything after the funeral. Dad had some job he had to finish. He felt so bad they couldn’t stay with you.” He looked out the window for a minute, absently running his hand along my hair.

“Angel, the police told dad that it appeared your father fell asleep at the wheel and drifted over into the drunks lane. If the driver hadn’t been drunk, he would have swerved, and then your parents would have crashed into a mountain on the other side.”

As the horror of his words started to sink in, I knew Bill had decided I couldn’t handle the truth of it then. I was having a hard enough time with it now. I shook my head, still wishing it weren’t so. “My dad fell asleep? My dad never fell asleep while driving!” I put a hand to my eyes, wishing I could get the image of the smashed car into a mountain out of my head.

“I know how hard it is to hear this, but you’ve got to stop blaming yourself!” Sean’s voice over lapped the vision as he tried to calm my terror. “It was your parents choice to be where they were.”

“Then who can I blame?” I lashed out suddenly, wishing there were someone I could pin it on - other than my father. “The drunk who didn’t expect to find a car coming at him? My father’s work that wouldn’t let him take enough time off? My heck, Sean!” I shouted, pounding on his chest. “I can’t take this! There has to be someone to blame!”

Sean grabbed my hands and pulled me to him. “Angel, Angel don’t do this! Stop!” He held me tightly to him as I struggled and then quieted. “You poor girl. You can’t blame anyone. You have to let it go.”

I shook my head, still feeling anger and bitterness inside. “I can’t just let it go. I - I don’t know how.” I took a deep shuddering breath. “How come no one told me before now? Was Bill afraid I wouldn’t handle it?” I hid my face in his shirt. “It just isn’t fair, Sean. I miss them so much!”

“Ah, Angel!” Sean's voice was full of sorrow and emotions I couldn't grasp. His arms tightened to where I almost couldn't breath. "You're breaking my heart!" He stroked my hair and all was silent for a few minutes.

“I know you miss them.” He said after a while. “You always will. But hopefully with time it will get easier. It will be a joy, a fondness to think of them and the times you had together. Not pain. You need to try and let go of it.” He pulled back a little to tilt my face so I could see his. “They are gone. You have to live your life. Hating someone or blaming someone isn’t going to bring them back. Blaming yourself didn’t do any good, did it? All that did was make you lock away your talent for all these years. Your parents would weep if they knew, Angel. They loved your work! My parents love your work, and they love you. Give it back to them.”

I closed my eyes and leaned against him, trying to let the old feelings go. It was so hard to let go - what was I going to do now? Start painting again? Wouldn’t every brush stroke remind me? Could I even do it anymore? It had been so long...

“I don’t know if I can,” I admitted in a small voice. “It’s been too long.”

He sighed against me. “I know. But you have to try. I think your parents are probably begging you to paint. If they could talk to you, I’m sure they would say, “DO IT!”

I smiled faintly at that picture, and tried to relax. Was this one of the reasons I had felt like I needed to come to Astoria? To hear the truth and get back to painting? I wish I knew.

“This is all so much,” I whispered, and he nodded.

“I know. Shall we go on to Tillamook now and get some lunch? I don’t know about you, but tears always make me hungry.”

I laughed weakly as I was sure he intended me to. “Yeah, lets go.”

“Okay.” He squeezed me quickly and then jumped up to help me back into my seat.

I watched him as he pulled the car back into traffic, wondering where he had learned such compassion and empathy. It’s not something one would have expected from a man who hadn’t communicated with his family until a year and a half or so ago. But as we traveled on, I realized my brain was too foggy for much thought, and closed my eyes to rest for a moment. It's amazing how crying wears you out.

After a minute or two Sean put on a music tape and I let the wonderful soft sounds wash over me. It felt like a balm to my sore nerves.

After about an hour, we came to Tillamook - famous on one point for it’s cheese. It’s a nice little coastal town. The people are friendly and they also have some of the best ice cream at the dairy.

We stopped at a nice little place off the main road called the Cove Inn, and went inside to smell the heavenly scents of clam chowder and fresh bread.

“Oh my,” I said, taking a deep breath. “What a wonderful smell!”

Sean smiled. “One of my favorite places.” He led us over to a small table next to a window which overlooked the ocean.

“Oh really - bring many of your dates here do you?” I teased him, knowing he had lightened my mood measurably and wanting to see that smile again.

He cocked an eyebrow at me as he sat down. “No.”

I wanted to ask more, but suddenly decided my teasing was in bad taste. Especially since he was with me and not with another girl.

I looked around at the restaurant, liking it immensely. It was a wonderful nostalgic place, with real shells and starfish caught in old fishing nets hung along the walls. Old snapshots of fishermen by their boats, or holding up a huge prize. The old netted glass candles on the thick wood tables with oilcloth placemats. It wasn’t ordinarily what someone would think romantic, but I found it so.

I turned my gaze back to Sean, the dim interior casting shadows and making his face a little dark. I was glad I knew differently. I put my elbows on the table and rested my chin on my palms. “This is wonderful.”

He smiled. “I’m glad you like it. They have the best seafood. My favorite is the chowder though, and the sourdough bread!”

He rolled his eyes and I laughed just as the waitress came up. A teenager with huge dangling earrings that could have passed for fishing lure and thick dark hair pulled to a one sided ponytail.

“What will it be today, folks?” She asked, her accent a little more East Coast than west.

Sean glanced at me and I smiled. “You decide.”

He grinned and looked back up at the girl. “Two bowls of clam chowder and a loaf of fresh sourdough with butter.” She started to go and he caught her arm. “Oh, and two Ginger beers too.”

She nodded, writing on her pad as she wordlessly went away.

“She sounds like she’s from Long Island or something,” Sean said with a chuckle.

I shrugged, my attention caught by what he'd ordered. I wondered if he planned on getting me drunk. That had been tried before, actually, and failed miserably because I don’t drink. The man had been astonished and didn’t understand it. He’d thought I was a baby. I figured there were lots of things to drink that didn’t smell like someone's urine, and didn’t destroy my brain cells in the process.

“Ginger beer is a wonderful non-alcoholic beverage I acquired a taste for in college. It bites back.” He assured me with a wicked grin, making me laugh.

Then I made a face at him. “I don’t want something that’s going to bite back!”

He chuckled at my words. “Do you like ginger ale?” I nodded. “Then you’ll like this.”

I snorted, highly doubtful.

The waitress returned with two frosty mugs and two bottles, placing them before us. We were pouring the Ginger beer into our mugs when she returned with a large basket of fresh sliced sourdough bread. I paused in my pouring to inhale the wonderful aroma. What a sensory heaven! We both reached for a slice and buttered it before she came back with our large bowls of chowder. It smelled just as wonderful as the bread.

I realized how hungry I was and without another word we dug into our lunch. After almost inhaling my bowl I was able to slow down and I sat back to relax. The sun was glistening off the water outside and I watched the seagulls fly and dip, feeling a little numb around the edges, but much better about things. I had to stop letting myself do an emotional yo-yo when a touchy subject came up. I was going to have a nervous break down if I wasn’t careful.

I buttered another slice of bread and savored the taste as Sean pushed back his empty bowl.

“Man, that stuff gets better every time I eat here,” he said with a contented sigh.

I smiled. “I believe it.” I took another bite of mine, suddenly aware of his gaze on me. Oh boy, my stomach was now full. I had the hardest time eating around him when he looked at me with those warm blue eyes. Oh well, I thought with a sigh, sitting back in my chair. I wouldn’t have to worry about gaining any weight while I was here at this rate.

“So, what do you think of Ginger beer?” He held up his almost empty mug.

I smiled. It was hard to describe the taste other than it was a spicy ginger ale. “I like it,” I admitted. “It seems to grow on you.”

He chuckled before draining his, just as the waitress came with our ticket.

“How are you feeling now?” he asked quietly, as she left, catching me off guard.

I sighed, giving a shrug. “Actually I’m feeling better. You and your family are determined to get me going again, aren’t you?”

Sean smiled, his eyes warm. “What are friends for?”

I grinned, suddenly very glad I had agreed to come.

“Are you finished?” He asked, and I glanced down at my bowl which had a small amount left, knowing I couldn’t hold another bite.

“I’m afraid so,” I admitted, pushing it away.

“Good. Lets go.”

I knew I would always treasure that afternoon among my special memories as Sean took me around the different places of merit, stopping after a while - of course - at the dairy where he bought ice cream cones. I felt like a carefree child again, only I knew it was different. I was with a very handsome man who seemed to let me know at every turn he was interested in me.

We ended the glorious day at Cannon Beach. We walked along the shoreline, finding some shells and starfish, but leaving them there (I didn’t want a suitcase full of that to take home)and then stood hand in hand to watch the sun go down.

I was grateful Sean had reminded me to bring my heavy sweater as we headed back up the beach to the car. The air had become chilly as the sun had disappeared, and we walked quickly to keep warm. We reached the car in no time and were on our way home before I knew it.

“What a marvelous day,” I said with a sigh, leaning back against the headrest. “Thank you for inviting me.” I looked over at him, his face strangely lit by the console lights.

He smiled that smile I was coming to know, and reached out to take hold of my hand. “Thanks for coming.” The way he said it, I felt he meant more than for the day, and my insides went quivery. Not that his touch hadn’t started that on it’s own.

The only problem with modern cars is they don’t let much room for romance. The front seats are too far apart to stay holding hands for very long, so Sean let go and I had to be content with gazing at his profile. I was a goner. Of course, I couldn’t help it, all the charms he had at his disposal, but I knew I was a lost case. I really liked him. I enjoyed his company far more than anyone else’s. He was such a gentleman - I knew even if nothing came of this, I would have new expectations of the next man that came into my life. The only problem was, I couldn’t see that happening. It was like I had known Sean all my life, even though that wasn’t so.

“I wonder what would have happened if we had really met before this,” I murmured, more to myself than to him.

But he heard me. “I don’t know,” he answered slowly. “I don’t think I would have appreciated you very much before now.”

I looked at him somewhat surprised at his soft-spoken words. Appreciated me?

He glanced at me and chuckled at the expression on my face. “Oh Angel,” he said, reaching over to cover one of my hands. “You’re a gem. Yes, I mean appreciate. There’s more to you than your good looks, and probably six years ago I wouldn’t have looked past those eyes of yours.”

I was amazed at his admission as it wasn't the usual guy thing. He was so much what I had always hoped to find. I didn’t think it was possible.

“That’s hard to believe,” I admitted finally. “You’ve changed that much?”

He nodded. “Yep. I told you how I was when I was at college? Well, I was obnoxious all through OSU. Then I graduated and went back east to get my masters.”

I looked at him surprised. “I had no idea, but then, I had no idea who you were anyway,” I reminded myself.

He gave a wry smile and drove on for a while before he continued. “Being back east was a real eye opener. I was miles and miles away from mom and dad, or anyone else who knew me. And,” he sighed, “I discovered I was a nobody. There wasn’t a soul who cared about me.” His face became hard as stone, but his voice was bleak, and I leaned over to touch his arm, making him turn to give me a quick smile.

“I met this girl - Suzette." He shook his head. “What a fool I was. She tore me to shreds.” He went silent again and I wondered if I should say anything.

I couldn’t believe he was telling me this. Well, then, I also had told him things I hadn’t told any one, so maybe I shouldn’t have been surprised. But I knew it was privileged information, and I was nervous as well as anxious about the pain I could hear in his voice. I wanted to take the pain away like he had helped to ease mine.

“I came running home to see if there was anything left in life,” he said, his voice now husky. “I walked in the front room and there was your photo with your parents.” He shook his head. ‘You looked just like your name to me. The sweetest thing to walk the earth, and I hadn’t met you because of my ego.” He sighed and glanced at me. “I couldn’t figure out how to met you. I mean, I knew there were schools - even private schools - in Utah, but I didn’t want to try that yet. Besides, I could just see your reaction if I walked up to your door and said, ‘Hi! You don’t know me, but I know you. Wana go out tonight?’”

I laughed at the absurdity of it before I sensed he was serious. It kind of scared me, how honest he was being. I mean, most men you have to sit on them and put blinders on to get them to talk to you seriously about how they are feeling. Some of them even after months of dating! Of course, I knew my experience was limited in that respect, and that was another cause of my fear. What was I supposed to do now? And what was he leading up to?

I sighed and I guess I was fidgeting a little because he glanced over and took one of my hands to hold it tightly for a moment. “Don’t get nervous,” he said softly, his voice sending a delicious quiver through me. “There’s no reason to worry. We’re just getting to know each other, okay?”

I couldn’t have cared less about what he was saying; his voice was doing such wild things to my insides when combined with his touch. But, I caught the words as well, and nodded my head. I had asked him the questions, didn’t I? I should have kept my mouth shut if I didn’t want to know.

“Actually, maybe it would have been fun to go to your apartment,” he said after a minute, his voice teasing. “It would have been interesting to see the look on your face when I told you I was Sean Palmer.”

I smiled and sat back in my seat. “You would have thought interesting when I slammed the door in your face because I didn’t know who you were.”

“But I would have had flowers!”

“I would have dumped them on your head,” I told him, keeping my voice even.

“And a big box of chocolates!” He glanced at me, his eyes sparkling.

“I might have stomped on the candy.”

“I would have driven up in my black Porsche!” he said desperately.

I laughed and clapped my hands. “Yes! Then I would have let you take me for a ride, no matter who you were!”

Sean laughed and returned his attention to driving. The rest of the ride was silent as we drove to his home.

It had been such a lovely day; I hated to see it end. I didn’t feel like I would never have this opportunity again - I actually felt like this was the beginning of something. However things went, I wanted to relish the peacefulness of the day, the things I had come to understand about myself as well as about Sean.

We pulled into the driveway and Sean turned off the engine but made no move to get out of the car. I looked at him, content to sit, since there was no way I was opening my own door. Finally he turned to face me, and it was hard to see his face by the small light on the porch.

“Angel,” he said softly, “I’ve really enjoyed today.”

I smiled. “So have I. Thanks for everything.”

“You’re welcome.” He leaned forward and pushed a strand of hair out of my face, and my heart stopped and then started again, beating so fast and so loud that I thought for sure he could hear it. He was close enough now that I could see his eyes in the light and they looked violet in the darkness. I felt like I was hypnotized by those warm eyes.

“I have to tell you,” he said softly, his eyes never leaving my face, “I haven’t enjoyed myself this much for a long time. I haven’t enjoyed being with someone for a long time.”

Suddenly his face was very close to mine, and I could feel his breath on my skin, warm and soft. “I’ve missed you, Angel.” His other hand came up so he was cupping my face in both hands. I think if I hadn’t wanted it to happen, I could have pulled away, his touch was very light, but I felt tied to those hands and those eyes.

He lowered his face and I closed my eyes as I felt his lips on mine in a soft feathery kiss. He raised his head a little to see mine, then pulled me closer to kiss me again, this time dropping his hands to my shoulders and they felt warmed by his touch. I had been never been kissed like this in my life. He moved his lips against mine, and I found myself putting my hands around his neck and feeling his hair, which was thick and rich. It was incredible.

Suddenly it was as if our lips were catching up for lost years - it was wild. Before I knew what was happening, Sean pushed me into my seat and was out of the car.

I sat stunned, feeling dazed and trembling with emotions I had never experienced before. I wondered what had happened to Sean, and sat up to look out the window, spotting him standing against the front of the car. I was concerned for him. He didn’t look happy about things, and I wanted him to feel good about kissing me. I certainly felt good about kissing him!

Mindful of his speech on broken arms, I slowly opened the door and climbed out to walk around and look up at him, wondering what he was thinking.

He wouldn’t look at me for a moment, and I felt like a little girl, standing with my arms folded against the chill air and the light breeze blowing my hair.

“I’m sorry, Angel.” He said finally, his voice hoarse. “I’m afraid I got carried away in there.”

I bit my lip, and gave a slight shrug. “I think we both did.” I felt lucky, actually.

With the few men I’d had dates with, those kisses a few minutes ago were mild. I had to fight off more than one who had figured sex was a swell way to end a date. I felt immensely glad Sean hadn’t felt that way, although I’m not sure if I would have been able to say no. It was an eye opener. It’s easy to say no when you’re not involved. It’s a little harder when you’re on fire.

I took a deep breath and let it out with a sigh. This had sure been one wild day. This morning I had just been very attracted to this incredible man. Now I had just been very thoroughly kissed by him, just thinking of it caused my toes to curl, and I decided to make my mind blank for a moment so I could concentrate.

“At least you don’t appear angry,” Sean said, after a moment, his tone of voice encouraging.

I smiled. “No, I’m not.”

He sighed, obviously afraid he had offended me. “Good. I - I, it was incredible, Angel.” He looked directly into my eyes, and I caught my breath at the warmth there. I must have stepped closer because I was suddenly in his arms, being held so tightly I almost couldn’t breath.

“I’ve wanted to do this for so long,” he said against my hair. “I’ve wanted to kiss you since I woke you up yesterday. You don’t know how close you came to being kissed them.”

“And now?” I asked, my voice so soft I wasn’t sure he heard me.

“I think you enjoyed it. I think the feeling is mutual.” He put a finger under my chin and lifted my face so he could see it more clearly. “What do you think?”

“Oh definitely,” I whispered as his face came closer. I met his kiss halfway this time, anticipation tingling in my veins. How do you describe a kiss? All I know is how his lips felt on mine, and how it felt to be held so closely against him. The blood was singing in my veins.

Suddenly we heard the front door open and broke apart to see Sean’s father peering out. “Sean?”

“Yeah, Dad, it’s us.” Sean’s voice was amazingly steady.

“Okay, we thought we heard you drive up. Some dinner’s left if you want it.”

“Thanks dad,” Sean grabbed hold of my hand and started toward the house.

“That sounds good,” I tried to say, and had to clear my throat. Why was I so nervous about his parents seeing us kiss? Or was it just being caught unaware?

Sean kept hold of my hand as we went into the house, and I wondered what his parents would say. From the conversation I had over heard the night before, it didn’t sound like his mother was against it.

Mari was in her robe and was sitting in a large chair with a book. “Hi kids,” she said brightly, glancing up. "Dinner’s in the oven. Sean said he planned on being back for dinner, so I kept some for you.”

“Thanks Mari,” I followed Sean to the kitchen, not sure I could eat anything, but at least I could pretend. Sean didn’t seem that interested in eating either until he looked in the oven.

“Wow, Mom really went all out,” he said as he pulled the casserole dish out.

I glanced over to see what it was. Baked Salmon? I looked at Sean, and he grinned.

“I’ll eat yours if you’re not interested,” he volunteered, walking to the table.

“Why?” I asked, following behind.

“This is my favorite dish,” he answered, setting the dish down on a hot pad and going to get some plates. “Mom usually only makes it for me, since I seem to be the only one who really likes it.”

I smiled and shook my head. “In Salmon country?”

“Oh, everyone else likes the smoked Salmon and stuff. Uncle Jack makes a real mean smoked Salmon. But, for some reason, I’m the only one that likes this version of baked Salmon.” He held out a forkful for me and I took the bite, trying not to look skeptical. I’m not a real big Salmon fan, but it wasn’t bad, actually. I was surprised.

Sean laughed out loud at the expression on my face, and slapped the table, he was so excited. “I’ve done it!” He shouted. “I’ve found her! The girl of my dreams!”

Mari came running in, startled by his shouting. “What’s happening?” She looked from Sean to me and back to Sean. He was still laughing and I shrugged, pulling my plate over.

“I don’t have the foggiest,” I replied as Bill came in, wondering about the commotion going on in the kitchen.

Sean calmed down and put an arm around Mari’s waist, pulling her over to give her a hug. Bill rolled his eyes and left the room, seeing there was no emergency.

“Just what I said, Mom! I’ve found the woman of my dreams! Someone that likes your Salmon surprise as much as I do.”

“Oh my,” Mari grinned as she looked over at me. “You really do?”

“Well, yes,” I said, pausing mid bite. “Why is that so odd? It’s wonderful.”

Mari chuckled and returned her son’s hug. “You’re right honey. Marry her while you’ve got her under the spell!”

I made a face as she left to tell Bill and Sean laughed and shook his head.

“We’re not all crazy, Angel.” He gave me a look that melted my bones and I quickly looked away so I could eat.

We finished our dinner in companionable silence, and I pushed away from my empty plate with a stifled yawn.

“Well, this morning was too early, so I’m off to bed. Thanks for a wonderful day, Sean.” I got up and put my plate in the sink and went to go by him, but he stood up, blocking my way.

“Night, Angel,” he said softly, pulling me into his arms. “Sweet dreams.” He bent down and kissed me very thoroughly before letting go and pointing me in the direction of the stairs.

Oh boy, I thought, going up to my room. I’m supposed to sleep after that? I got ready for bed in a daze, wondering what in the world was happening to me. I felt like a teenager with a crush on someone who had just touched my hand! I sighed and got into bed. Tomorrow was going to be very interesting. Very interesting indeed.

Chapter 6

The next morning I even managed to crawl out of bed by 9 a.m. They were already eating breakfast by the time I was showered and dressed, but I remembered Sunday’s to be rather lazy at the Palmer household. I sat down at the large wood table, running a hand through my still damp hair.

“Good morning!” Mari greeted me as she came out of the kitchen with a fresh plate of pancakes.

“Good morning.” I smiled up at her. “Boy does this smell good.”

She grinned and sat down next to Bill who was finishing a bite. “How’d you sleep?” She asked, handing me the jug of syrup.

“Great,” I poured the homemade sauce over my pancakes with relish. “It was the best nights rest I’ve gotten in a long time, believe it or not.”

“Good,” boomed Bill, his mouth now empty. “You needed our good fresh sea air to energize you, girl.”

I laughed at the sparkle in his eyes, so like his son’s. “Don’t give me that. The Great Salt Lake can stink just as bad as your ocean!”

Bill laughed just as Sean walked in. I knew then that last night had been no dream. He was looking handsome as ever in a pare of snug (I do mean snug) acid washed jeans and a T-shirt advertising Mt. Hood that fit in all the right places.

“It may smell as bad,” Sean teased as he sat down next to me, totally wiping out my appetite, “But it’s not as beautiful.”

I forced my brain to stay in gear. "It is so!" I argued. "We have gorgeous sunsets."

He shook his head as he poured me a glass of the orange juice he'd brought in before pouring himself one. “So, you’re all rested up, huh?” I nodded as I took a sip of juice. “Good.” He glanced up at Mari. “She ought to be up for our plans of the day.”

I looked over at her in surprise. “Plans? What’s up for today?” At least the orange juice reawakened my appetite. I dug into the pancakes while I waited for her answer.

“We thought we would drive along the Columbia River Gorge today.”

I stopped chewing and looked over at Sean who grinned. “Feel up to more sight seeing?”

I nodded and looked over at Mari and Bill. “Are you two going?” I was surprised, Mari and Bill had never been ones for doing sight seeing when I'd come before.

“Why yes, dear,” Mari seemed just as surprised at my question.

“'Bout time we went and saw the falls again,” Bill said gruffly.

“We thought we’d take a picnic lunch to eat at the falls,” Mari added, her eyes sparkling with enthusiasm. “And then have dinner at the restaurant by the locks.”

“That will be great!” I said, trying to swallow. “What a perfect day for it!”

And it was. Little fluffy white clouds in a gorgeous blue sky. It was a wonderful August day. I couldn’t believe how fun it was to walk along with Sean and his parents, taking pictures from the road stops. It was fun to be at Crown Point again and see the view of Washington, and Mt. St. Helen’s.

Sean and I stood for a moment at the rock half-wall, gazing into the hazy horizon where the mountains gleamed.

"I love this view." I said softly, leaning back against his firm chest. "It's almost as if you can see forever."

His arms slid around and held me there, his chin on my head. He didn't say anything - simply held me tight as we gazed before his parents called that it was time to go. It was a moment that made my heart feel as if it could accept things - I'd never felt so comfortable with a man before. Sighing with regret over having to leave this wonderful view, I turned in his arms, and he kissed me quickly before we headed off to the car.

We didn’t stop too many places so we could get to Multnomah Falls. I hoped I was up to the hike. I hadn’t gone to the top since I was a kid, and I had run half the way then.

Multnomah Falls is one of the most gorgeous places on the earth, I think, but then I'm prejudiced. It’s set back from the road, although one can see it from the freeway. Surrounded by lush green trees, ferns and plants, it's a tropical forest available for all.

We parked off to the side where parking was allowed, and got out the picnic stuff to carry up. I wasn’t sure how I was going to make it, when Sean’s parents took off at a steady walk up the beginning of the trail. I was kind of hoping we would go up to the top and then come back down in the basket to get the lunch. But they each had a handle of the picnic basket in hand, leaving Sean and I with a backpack full of stuff which he promptly commandeered and flung over his shoulder.

The trail is wide enough most of the time for a car to traverse, but no cars are allowed - It’s only for nature lovers. At various spots along the switch back trail you can see Washington State and Mount St. Helen’s. It’s a wonderful hike.

At first Sean and I kept up with his parents, keeping up a conversation about old times. Then, as we were about half way up the switchbacks, Sean took hold of my hand and pulled me back.

“Mind if we talk, Angel?” He asked, walking slower.

Actually, I was glad to slow down a little. My legs were telling me torture would be kinder. “Sure,” I was enjoying the feel of his hand in mine.

We walked on for a minute, and I glanced at him to see a look of concentration on his face. “Is something wrong?” I wondered what took such thought.

He grinned over at me, and I felt warm all over. He was so handsome!

“No, nothings wrong," he assured me. "I just wanted to talk to you about some things. For one, I really did enjoy yesterday, and last night.”

His hand squeezed mine and I was reminded of our kisses - this morning's kiss having brought all the feelings back from that touch.

Oh boy, I thought, my knees going weak, I’ll never make to make it to the top at this rate!

“I’ve had more fun today than I remember having in a long time,” he continued. “This may sound funny, but it's even been fun with my parents. For some reason, we get along so well now, I feel more like an equal - although they’re still Mom and Dad.”

I smiled. “That’s neat, Sean. I’m sure they're glad to have you home.”

He shrugged, glancing out over the river. “Um, well, the reason I wanted to talk was - well, I wanted to ask you on a date, sort of.”

I stopped in the middle of the path to stare at him and then gulped as we shifted to one side, letting some hikers go past us. Why did that surprise me? Yesterday had pretty much been a date. I guess I just thought dates were more formal than the relationship we seemed to be building.

I started walking again, a little pink in the face--I could feel it.

“I guess that surprised you a little, didn’t it?” Sean stated dryly.

I nodded. “Yeah - but I don’t know why it should have. What did you have in mind?”

“Wednesday is a talent show at the school. I’d like to take you.” He sounded like it was no big deal, but I remembered suddenly that he’d had that disastrous relationship back east. That had been one of his reasons for coming home. So, he probably hadn’t dated much since he’d been home, if at all. I realized that this was probably difficult for him.

Smiling, I tried to ease his fears. “I’d love to go.”

He sighed and turned to smile at me, his clear blue eyes warming me to my toes. “I’m so glad you came back!”

I hoped he could see how I felt as clearly as I could see his - because I felt the same way he did. I really liked him.

He intertwined his fingers in mine and we continued our hike up the trail. We went a little slower now because it was beginning the steeper part of the trail.

“There is one slight problem,” Sean said after a minute, his voice hesitant.

“What’s that?”

“I have already asked my parents to go.” His tone of voice indicated his thoughts on that, and I laughed.

“Oh, that’s okay, we could probably use a chaperone.”

Sean laughed hard at that, pulling me close to give me a brief hug and even briefer kiss. “You’re probably right,” he agreed. “Especially after last night.”

That reminded me of something I wanted to tell him, and I bit my lip before I pulled on his arm to get him to look at me. “I want you to know,” I said hesitantly, “I - I don’t normally kiss the first night I go out with anyone.”

Sean stopped and looked at me, his expression somber, obviously realizing I was serious. He stepped close and touched my face with his other hand.

“I never thought anything like that,” he admitted softly. “I just couldn’t help myself.”

I smiled weakly, feeling ready to collapse at his touch. “I just wanted you to know.”

His face eased into his wonderful smile, and he pulled on my hand. “C’mon, let’s catch up with the “Old folks!” He laughed, shaking his head. “We’re not going to hear the end this.”

I grinned as I looked how far ahead they had gotten. “I don't think they'll be too hard on us,” I assured him, and he smiled wryly.

“That’s not the half of it,” he said under his breath.

I glanced over at him, not sure I had been meant to hear. “What do you mean?”

“Oh,” he looked over at me, realizing I had heard. The look on his face was suddenly unreadable, and I wondered what was going on in that head of his. More secrets? How many could he have?

He took so long to answer, that I'd decided he was going to drop it. Perhaps he would tell me later, when he was ready.

“My parents have been after me to get married again.” He dropped the bombshell without any preamble, and I stopped in my tracks, not caring who I was blocking on the trail.

“Married?” I gasped, staring at him in disbelief. Then, it all clicked into place. The girl from back east hadn’t just been a fling - she had been his wife, and the divorce had torn him up. It put the night before in a different perspective. No wonder he had left the car - after once having the freedom of intimacy in marriage, it must have been hard to try and resist it.

“Wow.” I didn't know what to say. My feelings floundered around as I wondered why he hadn't felt able to mention it earlier, or why no one else had mentioned it. Perhaps it just wasn't quite the intro material - 'hey, by the way, my son was married but now he's divorced and available?'

Feeling my heart settle with the knowledge he was trying to get things out in the open now, I searched his handsome face. He looked wary and the expression on his face was bleak.

“She was you’re wife," I said slowly, looking down at his left hand which I was holding. There was no mark - no indication there had ever been a ring there. "Why didn’t you want to tell me?”

He looked up the path and we started walking again. I squeezed his hand, wanting to reassure him I was wasn't angry and wanted to listen. “It’s been hard, you know?” He glanced over at me and then away. “When I mentioned it to other women, they ran in the other direction. It seemed as if they all felt it was something I’d done, not my ex-wife.”

He took a shaky breath. “I got home and had no interest in dating. My parents tried to be patient, but they also felt if I could just meet the right person the pain would fade away. They kept telling me it would ease the wounds and stuff.” He shrugged lightly and kept striding on. “I just wasn’t able to make myself be interested in anyone since Suzette.”

I made a face as I stomped up the path beside him. If I ever meet that woman, I thought angrily, and then had to laugh at myself. When did I think that was ever going to happen? How often did I go back east?

Sighing softly, I looked at the haggard expression on the man next to me. He had opened up to me in such little time. How could he have been so sure of my reaction? To have no faith in women when he came back, when so many of them have preconceived notions of divorced men - it was simply astounding he'd been willing to talk to me.

I guess at one time I might have felt the same way as those women - but that was before Sean. Since last night, I seemed to have lost all perspective on that score.
“Thank you for telling me,” I said finally, and he squeezed my hand in response, and that was all we needed to say for now.

We caught up with his parents at the top of the trail and enjoyed the view for a while. I took some more pictures and then we decided to find a place to eat. We had a wonderfully lazy afternoon, eating, talking, and Sean and I gazing at each other.

I was sure his parents found this very humorous, but I couldn’t help it. I was drawn to him unlike any other man I had ever known - the cliche 'a moth to the flame'. He seemed to have the same interests I did, and we could talk about everything. I’ve never been able to talk this freely with a man.

I caught Bill observing us with a twinkle in his eyes a couple of times, and I sighed. I don’t know why it should make me feel the need to blush, but I knew it was going to show up anytime.

Although we were talking about pretty much anything, Sean seemed determined to keep the subjects light and non-conflict inducing. His parents didn’t seem to be disposed to anything else, and it was a delightful day. I realized as I helped pack the lunch away that I had been wound up so tight I hadn’t been able to breathe. I remembered again that this was the first vacation I'd taken in a long time, I hadn't realized how much I needed one.

Looking over at Sean as he shouldered the pack, I realized that I hadn’t experienced a serious relationship in a while either. I think I had been avoiding them. Sean was like a breath of spring air after a stale winter.

He smiled at me and held out his hand, and I slipped mine into it, feeling the familiar shiver of excitement at his touch. I was beginning to wish I didn’t have to go back to Utah.

I could tell Bill and Mari were beginning to tire, the chatter and joking had basically stopped and she was leaning rather heavily on him. Glancing at Sean, I saw that he agreed with me - it was a good thing we had decided to go down in the basket. We walked slowly to the car and loaded everything back up. Everyone was ready to sit for a while. We drove out to the locks and strolled along them for awhile until Bill voiced the thought that his stomach was going to eat itself.

We all laughed at that and trouped into the restaurant he had been telling me about all day. Bill may have been a lumberjack in his youth, but he was still a fish lover and fished every opportunity he could.

I mean big fish, the kind you find out in the ocean. He and a friend owned a fishing boat and would go out to catch sturgeon and tuna and stuff. He would catch Salmon once in a while, but that was too tame for him. Because of that interest, he loved this restaurant at the locks. Apparently once in a while you could see Salmon going over it during the Salmon runs.

He also like watching the boats, or I should say Barges, go through the locks. I remember him taking me here when I was little and being fascinated with the huge freighters that came through. He hadn't changed.

The waiter seated us and we all looked at our menus and chatted about the day. I was so relaxed, I didn’t feel like the same person who had gotten up that morning. Yet, it seemed as if I was finely tuned to Sean’s every move, the tone of his voice, every look on his face.

I'm going crazy, I thought in the back of my mind, and wished I had someone I could talk to about what was happening. Was it too fast? Was Sean expecting too much of me? I sighed and put my menu down, knowing it wouldn’t really matter what I ordered, my stomach was in knots again, as it always seemed to flip flop around this man.

On top of that, I wasn’t sure what I could bring up for conversation any more. We had pretty much covered everything I could think of with the exception of where Sean worked, and he had told me that was taboo.

I glanced over at Sean who chose that moment to give me a look that melted my insides. Those eyes of his...

We were all pretty quiet while the waitress came and took our orders, but there was tension building and I felt as if something was going to explode. Right then Bill cleared his throat and fixed his gaze on Sean. Mari had been saying something about the BBQ they were having Monday, but I figured she realized none of us were listening when she quieted at Bills non-to-subtle hint.

Bill looked as if he had been thinking something over and had decided that it was time to get it out in the open.
“Sean,” he began, keeping his voice to a low rumble in the restaurant. “I understand you’ve been having some drug problems over at the school.”

I bit my lip, dismayed that it had come out in the open. Sean had told me this was a sore subject - hadn’t we been avoiding it all day?

“Yeah,” Sean admitted, his tone even, his face showing resignation at having the subject come up.

“Do you know the boy?” Bill’s expression was hard.

I shivered a little and turned to look out of the window. Why I was so uncomfortable with this confrontation, I couldn’t quite decide. But, I couldn't keep the little thought from popping into my head - did it have something to do with what happened to Dave?

Sean shook his head. “No, it wasn’t any of my students. I guess the big fuss was someone had tipped off the authorities, and that’s why it was found. It’s all of a sudden drugs now,” he added, sounding frustrated. “We haven’t had drug problems before this year. It’s been a source of pride for the school, you know, a big PR for them that they could boast about. But this year,” he shook his head, fingering his fork. “Since February we have had four different drug busts and they have been large - big enough to dope up the whole school. The administration’s very edgy and the parents are getting uptight. They want to know what's being done. Many of them have been threatening to withdraw their sons. It's become really tense."

I gasped at the information. “That much? So someone must be trying to start a ring! Have they discovered anything?”

Sean shook his head and Bill shook his, his disapproval obvious. “It makes me nervous, son.” He looked down at his glass of water he’d been holding as if he wished it were something stronger. "I talked to Shirley the other day and he says there has been a real uprise in usage in Astoria. I feel somehow that it’s connected.”

Sean frowned as they brought our salads. I glanced nervously at Mari, realizing she was being really quiet. It looked like she was trying to avoid hearing anything that was said. It made me wonder how many times they had been through this, and how it usually ended for her to have a turtle perspective.

“C’mon, Dad,” Sean started as soon as the waitress left, sounding a little angry. “I can see why you’d think that, but what else can we do? Haven’t the police been watching the entrances of Astoria real close? Don’t they pick up people who hang around street corners? The school is inside Astoria boundaries. Nothing can get in there unless it’s smuggled, and that could happen anywhere. Family members come all the time and friends too, you know.”

"I know that," Bill admitted, stabbing at his salad and taking a bite. "But I still say there has to be something more to this. I think you know more than you're telling us, maybe to keep us from worrying - I don't know. I also say where there's drugs, there's crime." He pointed his fork at Sean. "Just look at what happened at OSU last year."

I looked questioningly at Sean and he gave me a weak attempt at a smile. “There was a large crime operation uncovered there last year. But the students they busted said they weren’t the leaders!" he directed this last bit at his father. "Someone back east was getting the stuff to them, and taking the goods that were stolen. They were smuggling the stuff in and out in cars. Under the seats, in the wheel hubs, etc. Pretty professional for little town business.”

“Yeah, and one of the teachers got shot while trying to uncover the thing,” Bill inserted, attacking his salad again. That's why he's worked up, I thought with dismay. The whole reason for his fear - Sean's safety. I had never seen Bill this upset.

“Now Bill,” Mari finally interjected herself with a reluctant sigh as she picked at her salad. “I asked you to wait till you could talk to Sean by yourself. There’s no reason to put Angie through this.”

Bill frowned and thankfully the waitress came at that point with our dinners. I wasn't very hungry anymore, and looking around I could tell no one else was either. I sighed inwardly, wondering how this was going to play out. Obviously this was an on-going conversation, one that never seemed to have a conclusion.

Mari was a sweetheart to try and keep me out of it, but the way things seemed to be going between Sean and I, that wasn't going to work. I looked down at my plate of pasta and shrimp, wondering if I was going to be able to do it justice. The joy had simply gone out of the day with the talk of violence and crime. I didn't know how cops lived from day to day - dealing with it all the time. And Sean...

I glanced over at him, watching as he picked at his own dinner, the look on his face one of frustration and weariness. He wished he could do something about it too, I could tell. But how do you go about getting a new job when you're trying to build up tenure?

Sighing, I took a sip of water. This was not the kind of information I wanted to know, but it was out now.
Question was, what was Sean going to do about it?

“I noticed that the paint is peeling on the shed out back the other day,” Mari said suddenly. “I think we’d better get it painted before winter, or it’s going to be shambles by spring.”

Bill grunted.

“Too bad I didn’t think to do it before Angie got here,” she continued, ignoring his lack of response. “Then it would be done in time for the BBQ tomorrow.”

I intently studied my plate at that last sentence, not entirely comfortable with a BBQ in my honor - especially with all I'd found out about the problems with Sean's work. Not only did I feel this wasn't the right time, but I didn't remember any of the people around here. It wasn't like I was moving in or anything. It was going to be terribly uncomfortable. The only saving grace I could think of was Sean would be there. Thinking of him made me look up and discover he was looking at me.

The expression on his face was unreadable, but the warmth in those blue eyes wasn’t. All the conflict and confusion was wiped away at the look in those eyes and it made me catch my breath and hold it before I knew what I was doing.

Bill had finally given into Mari's attempts to talk about something else, and they continued to talk while Sean and I gazed at each other. “It’s been a fun day,” I said softly. He nodded, reaching under the table to lay his hand on my leg.

“Especially since you were with us,” he clarified, his voice low. “I’m glad you’re here, Angel.”

I swallowed against the emotions filling me. I had never felt this way before. Just hearing his voice sent my blood racing. “I-I’m glad I’m here too.” I reached under the table and put my hand on top of his.

We finally finished dinner and headed back to Astoria. It was a quiet trip as everyone appeared to be talked out and tired from the day’s activities. I was able to sit in the back with Sean, and enjoyed leaning next to him, his arm warm around my shoulders. I felt drained by the events of the day. One on hand, I wished I could do something to help Sean and his father, but on the other, I wasn’t sure there was anything I could do, or if I should try.

We arrived back at the house at about 9 p.m. the sun starting to set in a blaze of glory and I sat up reluctantly. Sean shifted and said something under his breath before he abruptly got out of the car, leaving me behind. Surprised by his actions, (I fully remembered the arm breaking routine) I slowly opened the door to see what was happening. Sean was standing by his car, then suddenly his fist hit the hood, followed by a string of words said softly but forcibly enough that I could still decipher their meaning - his face tight with anger. I went quickly to his side, tentatively touching his arm.

“Sean, what’s wrong?” I looked down at the ground where he was looking and realized what had upset him. Someone had slashed all of his tires and all were now flat - the car resting on the rims. I had never seen it done before, and it seemed brutal with the ragged edges of the slash marks showing.

“Someone slashed my tires.” His voice was full of the anger and frustration he'd expressed earlier, along with a tint of disbelief. He groaned, rubbing a hand over his face. “Dad is just going to love this.”

I bit my lip and turned to see his father come over from the car. I was afraid Sean was right. After the conversation they had just had at dinner, here was physical proof of his father’s worries.

“What’s wrong, Son?” Bill asked as he came to a stop next to me. “What the...” he broke off as he observed the damage.

“Yeah.” Sean’s face was tight, showing hard planes in the fading sun. “Guess you had it right after all.”

I gasped at the bitterness in his voice and he gave me a brief glance before he turned and walked into the house, Mari following after him - calling his name.

I stood numbly and stared at the tires, visual signs of the disagreement. I was a little shocked and dismayed by Sean’s reaction. I wished I knew what to say, but I didn’t - I felt completely useless.

Bill was silent as he surveyed the tires. “Well, I guess I’d better go call Shirley,” he muttered. “Come inside, Angie.” Turning, he headed toward the house. “There’s nothing to be done out here.”

I nodded and slowly followed him. Sean was already on the phone to the police and Mari was hovering near by.

“Oh, Bill!” She grabbed hold of his arm. “Why would someone want to do that to Sean? He’s never harmed anyone!”

“Maybe someone from the school.” Bill voice was full of anger and worry.

“Probably was someone from the school,” Sean said as he got off the phone. “They could have done it anytime today.”

Bill shook his head, his face suffusing with color. “What is going on there, Sean?” he demanded, folding his strong arms across his broad chest. “What are you involved in?”

“I’m not involved with anything, Dad!” Sean shot back angrily. “It just happens that one of the boys came to me when he found out about the drugs, and they fingered him.” He sighed, running a hand through his hair. His anger seemed to soften with the released breath and he shook his head. “"Someone has probably found out I'm working with the school administration and the police and are trying to send me a message. I’m not sure.” He gave a weak shrug. “Shirley said he’d send someone over in the morning.”

“Is it going to stop there?” Bill bellowed at his loudest, flinging his arms out wide. "Are they going to stop with giving you a warning? Or are you going to end up dead?"

I stepped back, afraid of the anger and frustration I heard in his voice. Surely this wouldn't get physical, would it? Father against son?

“I don’t know, Dad.” Sean's quiet statement seemed to check Bill's anger. I was amazed at his control. I could see his cheek muscles twitching while he tried to keep a lid on his own anger - watching the emotions on his father's face.

Bill instantly deflated, and he shook his head, giving a deep sigh. Finally after they looked at each other for a few minutes and both faces showed signs of calming – he put a hand on his son’s shoulder. “Look, Sean, I’m just worried for you! I can’t seem to do anything to protect you anymore.”

Sean nodded and gripped his dad’s shoulder, pulling them together. “I know, Dad. I know. I wish I knew what to do, but we’ll have to wait it out. Okay?”

Bill nodded and they squeezed each other’s shoulders before pulling apart. I was impressed. I wondered if this was an example of what had come out of their reunion. What had happened through all Sean had been through.

Bill took Mari into the kitchen and I stood with my arms clutched tightly together across my chest, watching Sean, wondering what he was going to do now.

“Are you going to work tomorrow?” I ventured softly after a few minutes of silence.

He sighed and looked over at me, almost as if he'd forgotten I was in the room, the expression on his face one I couldn’t read. “Yeah, I’ll be going. I’ll just be a little late. The kids will get a kick out of that.”

He came over to me and put a hand up, touching my cheek. “Can you try and forget this part of the evening and just remember the fun day we had?” he asked softly, his expression softening to the point where my knees went weak.

“I think I can do that," I assured him. "I enjoyed being able to see the falls from the top again.”

Sean sighed softly, as if letting go of the tension of the past couple of minutes. “It was fun to see them with you.” His voice sent shivers along my spine, and I felt the room was getting very warm.

“If I were smart, I’d tell you to stay away form me until this was cleared up,” he said, his hand still caressing my cheek. His eyes darkened at my beginning protest and he shook his head. “But I couldn’t bear not seeing you.”

“Nothing will happen to me,” I whispered, not wanting to move. “Besides, I don’t think I would go away if you did ask me.” I admitted with a slight smile. “I’d be too worried away from you, and I'd be too worried away from you, and -" I looked down, knowing I was crazy to admit it. "Too lonely."

"Lonely?" Sean's voice held a teasing note and a light entered his eyes. "Not lonely?" He pulled me close, holding me tight against him. “There’s no way I’ll let you ever be lonely.” His voice was husky in my ear. “You’re doomed to be bored by my company.”

“Bored?” I smiled at his sense of humor. “I’m afraid the last thing I would be is bored with you.”

He almost crushed me in his fierce hug, and I could only return it and hope nothing cracked. “I’d better let you go to bed,” he said, his voice thick. “Or I’ll be joining you.”

“Oh.” I knew I sounded like a little girl, but I couldn’t help it. “Good night Sean.”

“Good night, Angel.” He kissed my forehead. “Sweet dreams.”

I knew I’d have no other kind as I floated up the stairs. I knew for sure now that he felt something for me. That made tomorrow all the more interesting, I reflected as I prepared for sleep.

I just had one disquieting thought as I pulled the covers up over me. Was Sean in real danger? Or were we just imagining things?

Chapter 7

The next day seemed to fly by so fast it was time for the BBQ before I was ready. I had been so busy helping Mari with the cleaning and the cooking and talking with Shirley (the friendly neighborhood Astoria policeman that everybody knew) who came over to look at Sean’s car.

He didn’t say much about it, just took some pictures and said he’d ask the neighbors. Mari invited him to the BBQ since all the neighbors were going to be there. To my relief, he declined and left. I didn’t feel very comfortable around him, I had no idea why.

Bill drove Sean to work and I felt a brief thread of loneliness before Mari got me working. I was glad to have something to do. Two full days in that man’s company was like viewing paradise and then having the door shut when reality barged in. Oh well.

I knew I would see him that night, so it was easier to work with Mari and hear all about their neighbors and their kids and where they went to school. When that subject dried up, she started talking about their daughter, Leslie.

“Oh that one,” Mari said with a sigh. “I thought Sean was head strong. She hasn’t let us tell her a thing since she turned 18.”

I grinned. “Really? She sounds like she’s going to turn out okay.”

Mari smiled fondly as she put a pie in the oven. “Yes, she is. I have to admit that she’s the apple of my eye.” She sighed and looked over at me. “I can’t wait till she gets back from San Diego.”

I was jealous and didn't mind letting her see it. “I wouldn’t mind going on a trip like that. How much longer is she going to be?”

Mari shrugged. “She wants to be here before you go home, so I guess she’s going to try and get back this week end. She’s been gone - it seems like forever.”

I sat back in my chair at the table, relaxing after vacuuming all the floors. Mari fell silent for a few minutes, and I looked over at her a little surprised, because silence was not something she encouraged very often. Her expression had grown serious, and I wondered what she was thinking.

“Has Sean told you anything about himself?” She asked finally, and I realized she was trying not to pry.

“Yes,” I said, hoping to relieve her. “He has told me of his marriage back east and how he pretty much kept away from here for about 10 years.”

Mari nodded, her face showing her concern. “He bottles so much up inside of him. It’s hard to know what he’s feeling sometimes.” She grinned at me suddenly. “Well, that is except where you are concerned,” she teased.

I felt the blush going up my face and rolled my eyes. It was so embarrassing!

Mari laughed. “Oh Angie! It’s so good to see him with you!”

I smiled, relieved to hear her feelings. “I’m glad you feel that way,” I admitted. “I was worried for some reason you wouldn’t want the two of us together.”

Mari flapped her hand at me. “Don’t kid yourself, hon. That is one of the reasons I invited you out here. You two seemed made for each other.” She leaned over and patted my hand, her face growing thoughtful again.

“You see, Leslie managed to keep Bill and I sane through it all. She seemed to be the rope that bound us all together when it could have all fallen apart." She picked at the dough that had stuck to her hands, as if it were part of the memories she wanted to forget. "That’s probably why I’m so much closer to her than Sean. I guess she really feels like a daughter. Sean is just - a real close friend.”

She sighed and I bit my lip, amazed at this revelation. How strange to have your son feel like a friend rather than a son! Did that mean that they felt they couldn’t rely on him?

Just then Mari glanced at the clock and gasped. “Oh my! You had better hustle to get ready. I didn’t realize it was so late! People are going to start arriving soon.”

I glanced over and stood up with a gasp of my own. “Oh no!” I cried and ran up the stairs, panic filling my limbs with extra energy.

I think I took the fastest shower ever known, but after that, things slowed down. I couldn’t decide on what to wear, so I was methodically dumping the contents of my suitcases all over the room. I couldn’t decide what to do with my hair; I was suddenly very nervous.

“Oh Mom,” I whispered, sitting down on the edge of the bed. “What do I do? I won’t remember any of these people and I’ll feel like a complete fool.”

Sighing, I glanced at the chaos around me. It was a good thing none of them would be seeing this room. After deliberating for five more minutes, I finally decided on some soft brown suede pants that I tucked into cowboy boots, a soft green flannel shirt folded up to the elbows and a simple western silver and turquoise tie.

My hair was determined to ignore any control, so I decided the body styled look would work okay. I’d had it trimmed before leaving Utah, so it was just on my shoulders, naturally wavy, and streaked with blonde highlights, it seemed to float about like a reddish brown cloud. I had forgotten what the humidity did to my hair.

I finally applied a little make up, some squirts of perfume, some small silver earrings and felt more presentable. One more glance in my small mirror, and I shrugged. Oh well, time to face the music.

I could hear the people as I descended the stairs, but thankfully, most of the guests seemed to be outside, since it was still very warm. I made it to the kitchen and stood there for a moment, my panic mounting as I surveyed the crowd outside. Not all of these people could be neighbors!

“They aren’t actually all neighbors,” came a deep voice behind me, which set my heart pounding as I turned to smile at him.

“What?”

Sean smiled warmly at me. “Not all of them are neighbors. Most are people Mari ran into in town and she invited because she’s known them for years. Sometimes she gets carried away. She hasn’t had a real party in a long time.”

“I hadn’t realized it was going to be such a big deal.” I admitted with a nervous sigh, my heart sinking at the site of that chatting crowd.

Sean stepped closer and pulled me into his arms, holding me gently. “It’s not. To my mom, it’s just a get-together with family and friends. No one will expect anything of you.”

I put my arms around his waist, enjoying the feeling of being in his arms again.

“Have you been busy all day?” he asked, his voice vibrating through his chest to my ear.

“Oh yeah. It was okay, it kept my mind occupied. I think we cleaned from floor to ceiling.” I told him, making a face as I felt the ache in the muscles in my arms. I had forgotten what full-fledged housework was like.

Sean laughed. “That’s mom. She’ll be sure to have every cobweb gone. As if there dared to be one in this house anyway.”

I smiled and leaned away from him to look at his face. “That’s her to a T. How did your day go?” I wanted to know the answer to the tires and Dave, but I wasn’t sure where to begin.

He shook his head, a shadow in his eyes. “Not now. Let’s talk about that later.”

I made a face and pulled away reluctantly. “Well, I guess we’d better go out then. I hope you know some of these people.” I must have given away my frustration, because Sean chuckled.

“Come here and let’s see if I can loosen you up a bit.” He pulled me back to him, and I didn't mind at all. By the time he was done, I wasn't thinking about the party at all. A nice secluded spot, yes - the party, no.

Mari was standing just a little away from the back door, hands typically waving about as she talked to a slim, fashionably dressed woman who seemed to be taking everything in while listening.

“Oh Angela!” she exclaimed when she saw us, reaching out and pulling me over. “This is Bette Dunbar. Bette, this is Angela Barker, the reason I’m throwing this party.”

Bette took my hand firmly in hers and regarded me with brilliant blue eyes. “Pleased to meet you." Her voice was low and soft, matching her image entirely. “Mari has just been telling me about your painting. Have you done a show out here?”

The question took me totally off guard, and I groaned inwardly, my nerves already shaky from facing this crowd of people, now feeling ready to snap. I looked at Mari pointedly, wishing I’d known this was going to come up. “What have you been telling her, Mari?” I must have sounded as shocked as I was feeling because both women looked a little surprised.

Sean, who had been right behind me quietly took hold of my elbow in a strong grip, helped me regain control. “Hello Bette,” he said pleasantly. “It’s nice to see you again.”

Bette nodded her head in greeting. “How are you, Sean?” I couldn't tell from her voice that she was upset, but my insides were still quaking with dismay and embarrassment.

Horrified at my reaction to her innocent question, I was so thankful that Sean had given me a chance to calm down. Feeling that familiar heat on my cheeks, I heard Sean reply, not quite gathering what he said.

“Mrs. Dunbar,” I ventured as Sean finished, “I’m terribly sorry, but I was surprised at your question. You see, I haven’t painted for several years, and have only just thought I might start again. The last showing I had was three years ago in Utah. I don’t remember how it did.”

Mari stepped around Bette to put her arm around my shoulders and give me a quick hug. “I’m sorry!” I whispered, my remorse very sincere. She hadn’t deserved any censure.

“It’s okay, honey,” she whispered back.

“I’m sorry I brought up a tender topic,” Bette stated, looking like she was ready to step away.

“It’s alright,” I assured her with a weak smile. “May I ask why you are interested?”

She seemed to let out a breath she was holding. “Well, I am an art gallery owner. I’m always interested in new artists. I’d love to see some of your work.”

Sean grinned. “Why don’t you come in the house for a moment and I’ll show you some.”

Bette looked excited and stepped toward Sean. “That would be wonderful!”

I backed up, trying to not be embarrassed - sure my face was bright red again. “I think I’ll stay out here so you can be honest.”

They both nodded and Sean gave me a wink before they disappeared into the house.

“Oh Mari,” I moaned, grabbing her arm. “She must think I’m totally unbalanced or something!” I looked at her, anxious about the way I’d responded to her friend.

Mari laughed and started pulling me toward a group of people. “No more than any other artist she’s known.”

I was soon introduced to everyone else, which was an interesting eclectic group. Mari knew a great variety of people. Not one to limit herself, she was interested in all things, all people. I met a doctor, a veterinarian, a florist, a couple of retired neighbors, an entrepreneur, a librarian, and the list went on.

I had to shake my head, knowing I'd never remember anyone's names. I ended up at the buffet table, ready for sustenance and wanting to grab some of the delicious food Mari had prepared.

This whole night was a real eye-opener. Many of the people I had met had been sincerely glad to meet me, remembered my parents, and wanted to know how I was doing. It was odd, but I almost felt like was part of a very large family.

Suddenly Sean was by my side, filling up a plate of his own with Mari’s BBQ ribs and potato salad, rolls, coleslaw, baked beans and of course, smoked salmon.

“Mom really outdid herself this time,” he said, leading the way to a table and chairs.

“I agree with that.” I sat down with a sigh. Amazing how a day spent cleaning can tire you out!

Sean took off to get us some lemonade and came back with two frosty glasses.

“What did Ms. Dunbar think of my painting?” I finally asked as he sat down, unable to contain myself any longer.

He grinned at me, munching on some salad. “Now that is one cool lady!” He quickly swallowed before continuing. “She was really impressed. I told her you had done that one in the family room a long time ago and she took that to mean that you were even better now. She’d like to see something more recent.”

“Oh.” I looked down at my plate, realizing not only had my eyes had been bigger than my stomach, but now I had even bigger expectations to fill. How was I going to come up with some recent work? I had stored away everything left from the gallery showing in Utah. Besides, how recent is three years? I sighed, wondering what I had gotten myself into. I needed to paint something new. Was I up to it?

Sean touched my arm, bringing me back to the party. “Hey, don’t worry about it tonight, okay? Just enjoy the party.”

I tried to smile, but I knew it was a weak attempt. “I’ll try.”

He leaned over and quickly kissed me - putting all other thoughts out of my mind.

“How’s that?” he whispered in my ear.

“Very effective.” I admitted with a sigh.

“Looks like Mom is setting up for bingo,” he said, his voice full of dismay as he spotted his mother standing up to call a start to the game. “Do you like to play?”

I shrugged, grinning as I heard the obvious hope that I didn't. “I haven’t played in forever. We could team up.”

“We could,” he agreed reluctantly, and then a glint entered his eyes, and I began to feel nervous. “Or we could play against each other for a prize.”

“Oh yeah?” I looked at him skeptically, not entirely sure I wanted to agree to that. “What kind of prize are we talking about?”

He grinned, a definite wolf grin and leaned towards me. “Oh, one where the winner gets treated to a night on the town in Portland on Saturday, plus a goodnight kiss.”

That was easy! I smiled, his husky voice sending shivers down my spine. “What a wonderful idea.” Just the thought of a night like that with him made my pulse race. “And a way to get another evening together! I need to win this one for sure.”

Sean’s grin widened even more, if possible, and he jumped up. “Oh yeah? You haven’t seen me play bingo!”

I groaned as I let him help me up and we grabbed our plates. “But you have to let me win! I don’t know my way around Portland!”

He put an arm around my waist, pulling me close. It was wonderful to be against his hard warm body. “I’ll tell you all my favorite places,” he assured me with a wink.

“That’s what I’m afraid of,” I replied wryly. "Just remember I'm on a vacation budget!"

He just shook his head and led me to the card tables where the bingo cards had been laid out. “This will be great!” he exclaimed as he held out a chair for me. “We can sit here next to my mom so I can bribe her into calling the right numbers.”

“No way!” I cried. “That’s not fair. You should be disqualified because of family ties!”

Mari glanced up at my remark as Sean chuckled and shook her head with a raised eyebrow. “Family ties? That means you get a three number handicap.” She informed him of this with a wink at me.

Sean groaned. “Mom! I should have known!”

I grinned. “Gee, since I don’t have any family ties, that means I get a head start on you!”

Sean gave me a lascivious grin. “We could always change that, you know, the family ties bit.”

I raised an eyebrow at him. “Oh really? And just what did you have in mind?” I demanded, my heart racing with the thought. “Adoption? I don’t think they’ll go for it at my age.”

Mari sniffed from where she sat at the table. “We don’t need any adoption papers to claim Angie. Now just be quiet you two, so we can get started.”

Sean leaned close after he sat down in his chair. “I wasn’t thinking of adoption, and you know it.”

The caress in his voice sent my stomach fluttering and I tried to shrug and act casual as I positioned my card. "Well, it doesn't matter now, does it. You know you'll probably win anyway."

He sat back in his chair as his mother announced the game was ready to start. “I’ll win whatever way it goes.” He leaned forward suddenly and kissed me, so hard and fast I hadn’t only blinked and he was sitting back in his chair, acting like nothing had happened.

I put a hand to my throat, thinking that Mari would know for sure by my red face, but to my amazement, I didn’t feel the familiar heat. My body was too preoccupied with other sensations.

Mari started calling out the numbers and I tried to concentrate, but it took half the card to really put my mind to it. This man was going to drive me crazy. I had never been around anyone like him, never felt like this for any one before, and I just didn’t know how to handle it. The last thing I wanted to do was mess it up, whatever happened!

The evening was fun. I was finally able to relax and have a good time. Sean kept flirting with me, making me blush and I kept beating him, which made his eyes sparkle and everyone seemed to be having a wonderful time. One gentleman won more games than anyone else and went up to claim one of Mari’s blackberry pies, much to the jealousy of everyone there.

I leaned back in my chair and followed Sean's gaze as he had suddenly tensed. Mr. Shirley, the town cop, was standing at the edge of the lawn, motioning for him to come talk with him.

“I’ll be back,” he whispered, getting up to saunter lazily over to the other side of the lawn.

“Angela, dear,” Mari’s voice came from my side and I glanced at her startled.

“Yes?”

“I have just a moment before we start the songs and I’d like to show you something we wanted you to have. Kind of a welcome back present.”

“Okay.” I was surprised as I stood up, she'd had all day to show me the house and stuff. I found I was a little stiff from sitting for so long. “That’s really sweet of you.”

Mari smiled and draped an arm around my waist as we headed toward the house. “Don't be silly! We’ve been looking forward to this for a long time. We should have showed it to you sooner, but this weekend has been kind of busy.”

I smiled my agreement and followed her as she took me back to the house and up the stairs. I thought we were headed toward my room, but then she turned the other direction. We were headed toward the attic. It was an area that I hadn’t explored in years, and I wondered why she had put the gift there.

She opened the door and turned on the light just as I entered the room. I gasped in surprise. The room was small, perhaps eight feet square, but the outside wall was almost entirely windows and it had been painted white, so it gave an impression of space and light that was so exciting I couldn’t believe it.

In the middle of the room was a large easel and next to it was a wooden chest dresser, about four feet tall with lots of drawers. Built into the wall to the left of the windows was a storage place for canvases, and stacked against the window were several pre-stretched canvases as well as board ones. In front of the easel was a swivel stool with a large pallet lying on top. There was a box of clean rags on the floor by the chest and a couple of cupboards on the right side of the windows with the letters AB burned into the wood.

I was totally floored. I hadn't even dreamed of a room like this. I walked around touching things, unable to grasp they had done this for me. Mari turned on a ceiling fan as I neared the windows, and as I gazed out at the brilliant sunset over the trees I suddenly knew I could paint here. I could heal here and deal with the past.

I took a deep breath and turned back to observe the room. It was a small studio, by many standards, but a complete one. I went to the little chest and opened the drawers to find them full of brushes, pallet knives, pencils, charcoal, erasers, and so on. One drawer contained watercolors, another oils and another acrylic. I felt like I had stepped into heaven. I didn’t know what to say!

Mari just stood back by the door where she had stopped when I came in and smiled at me. I looked at her helplessly, then unable to resist - went to the cupboards and opened them to find bottles of paint thinner and other supplies. I closed the doors, leaning against them weakly. No one had ever done anything like this for me before. I was so full I didn’t know how to express it. I finally turned around to look at Mari who had moved a couple of steps closer.

“How?” I finally got out, and she came over to put an arm around my shoulders.

“Are you excited?” she seemed unsure of my reaction.

“Excited?” I repeated weakly, shaking my head, feeling my eyes fill with tears. “I’m stunned, overwhelmed - I mean, it actually makes me want to start on something. But why? How?”

She sighed and squeezed my shoulders. “I had a feeling you had stopped painting when we never got any notices of art shows.” There was such an expression of sadness on her face that the lump in my throat got larger and I tried to swallow past it.

“Oh Mari,” I touched her arm in sympathy. “I’m sorry. I was so upset about Mom and Dad’s death that I felt my art had some connection to it. I...” I had to swallow hard before I could continue. “I swore at their funeral I would never paint again.”

She gasped and looked at me in shock. “Oh no! Angela, why?”

I shrugged, stepping away from her arms to gaze out the windows, suddenly feeling that familiar numbness around the edges. “I know it’s drastic, but that’s how I felt at the time. All I could think was it had been my gallery showing. If I hadn’t been painting, they wouldn’t have been going there. So, stop painting.”

Mari was silent as she took my words in. “Oh Angela,” she said on a sigh. “You were so alone! Do you still feel this way? You’ve probably wanted to shoot all of us for trying to change your mind.”

I shook my head and went back to her to give her a gentle hug, fighting past the numbness and bitterness that Sean had helped me see. This woman and her family meant more to me than anything or anyone else ever would. And somehow, I was going to show them that.

“I could never shoot you!” I teased, wishing to lighten the mood. “I don’t feel that way any more. This room has shown me that.” I glimpsed something on the back of the door and went over to pull it down. It was a painting smock and my name had been embroidered on it.

“Did you do this?” I asked, I holding it out to see it better.

“Why no, I didn’t.” Mari stepped closer to look at it.
“Leslie must have made it. She was working on something before she left. This must have been it.”

I sighed, astonished at the love that had gone into the making of this room. “This is pretty convincing evidence that I need to continue painting,” I assured her. I picked up the pallet and sat on the stool, my legs feeling shaky in the light of this stunning gift. “I don’t know how to thank you.”

She came and gave me a quick hug. “Do what you do best, Angie. This room is a gift to you, and you will best thank us by doing something in it. Preferably paint,” she concluded with a smile.

I gazed around the room, still astounded by it all. It must have taken a small fortune to put this together. “How could you afford to do this?” I murmured, wondering if there would come a time I could pay them back.

“Well, we didn’t do it all in one day, that’s for sure.” Mari admitted as she surveyed the room. “Actually, Sean was the one who got the ball rolling. He had been home about a month or two and was starting to feel more like a part of life and started asking about you and what had happened after your parents died. When he found out we hadn’t heard from you other than Christmas time, he suggested creating this for you so we could entice you out here to paint. We had no idea at the time that you had stopped painting.” She paused and I looked up at her kind face to see the concern and love she felt for me.

“Oh Mari!” I groaned, seeing the love and worry etched in her face and hugged her tightly around the waist. She returned it, sniffing softly. “If only I had realized how much was waiting here for me! I felt so alone for so long!”

I felt her sigh as her hand softly stroked my hair. “I think Sean was the first to suggest that too,” she admitted. “After all the time spent with us, he worried you might feel alone with no family. And, he knew how we felt about you.”

I closed my eyes and took a deep breath. Sean. It seemed like it all came back to Sean. It scared me a little to know how much he had been thinking of me. It was as if I stood at the edge of a fantastic view and someone had created it just for me. Did he expect anything from me? Would I live up to his and the family’s expectations?

Mari sighed again, interrupting my thoughts and moved away to touch one of the cupboards lovingly. “Anyway, he suggested the studio idea to Bill and they found new ground to agree upon.” She had a soft smile on her face as she remembered and I folded my arms tightly, hoping to hear as much as she knew about her son and his involvement with his father.

“They had only just finished it when I sent you that letter,” She said, turning to face me. “That’s how long it took. But,” she shrugged and rolled her eyes making me chuckle. "It had to be just right for both of them. I do think it helped bring them a little closer.”

Suddenly there were heavy steps in the hall and we both turned to see Bill in the doorway. "There you are! Everyone’s wondering where you are. People are ready to go home, dear.”

“Oh my!” Mari gasped, putting her hands to her face. “I totally forgot about the BBQ!” She dashed past her husband who paused before stepping into the room.

“I see she has been showing you around,” he commented, and it seemed that his voice didn't bounce off the walls here.

I nodded, the knowledge of his caring and concern for me warming my heart. “Oh yes.” I couldn’t help glancing around again. “I understand I have you to thank for part of it.”

Bill nodded, obviously pleased as punch to have built the room. “Yep. That boy of mine just had to have a room for you to paint, and I figured it was a darn sight better than having paint on the carpet and tables again!”

I grinned and got up to give him a big hug. “Funny how you never complained about it before,” I teased.

“Well, back then I was afraid a little complaining would stop you painting. So, I never said anything.” He hugged me back so tight I thought my ribs would crack. “Besides,” he added, a twinkle in his eyes as he let me go. “What’s a little paint between friends?”

I shook my head, my emotions suddenly preventing a teasing reply and slugged him in the arm, my attempt about as painful as a fly on a mammoth.

He nodded, and touched my cheek before going out of the room and stomping down the stairs.

I turned back to look at the room, feeling suddenly the need to paint. I hadn’t felt that urge for so long it was scary. I folded my arms and paced around the floor for a few moments, feeling the need become irresistible.

Grabbing the smock only because I didn’t want paint on my pants, I quickly grabbed the supplies I wanted and sat down at the easel to work for the first time in over three years.

Chapter 8

The sound of the waves crashing and the seagulls calling was a peaceful balm to my soul as were the blazing colors in the setting sky. Wrapped in Sean’s arms and sitting on the sand watching the sun go down was the most wonderfully romantic experience I’d ever had. The colors were so brilliant and the ocean below such a strong picture, it sent the artist in me searching for the paint I would use had they been with me.

Sean’s arms tightened around me and I was effectively distracted from the beauty around me at the touch of his lips on my neck. What that man’s touch did to my insides!

I closed my eyes and swayed back into him and found myself tilting my neck to give him greater access. A melting feeling began at my mid-section and traveled down to my knees and I was very glad to be sitting down.

“Oh Sean...” I sighed, not knowing what else to say.

“Mmmm? What Angel?” His deep husky voice sent shivers down my spine as his breath brushed my ear, and continued up into my hair. “Don’t you like this?”

“Oh yes,” I breathed out, not sure it was even audible.

I felt his lips on my closed lids and bit my lips at the tenderness I felt in that touch. Almost like he cherished me! I felt his hands along the sides of my face and pressed into their warmth, opening my eyes to gaze into his strong handsome face which was so close to my own.

He traced my face with a finger, “You don’t know how long I have waited for you to be here. With me.”

“You have?” I asked dreamily, too comforted and happy to feel anxious or nervous about the seriousness of the expression on his face. “Why?”

I raised my hand to touch his face, feeling the roughness of his beard beneath my fingers. His statement finally registered before he could frame a reply to my query and I stilled suddenly at the idea. “You have thought about being with me like this before you even met me?” I was amazed at the thought, having never run into a man like him before who was so honest with me.

“Sean!” Mari's voice calling his name cut into our quiet moment so abruptly that I was shaken. I glanced around wildly, realizing I was no longer dreaming, but fully awake - half-sitting, half lying on the cushions on the window seat in my studio.

We weren’t in Seaside, we were in Astoria! How much of what I had dreamed had been reality?

“Sean, is she up there? Is she okay?” Mari’s voice was coming closer, indicating she was coming up the stairs toward us.

I jumped up, my nerves shaking and my body waking up as I realized where I was.

“Angel,” Sean stood up behind me, his voice concerned. "What is it? What's wrong?" He pulled my shaking body to his and wrapped his strong arms around me.

“I-I was d-dreaming," I stammered out against his chest, my mind still reeling from the abrupt break of reality. "I was dreaming we were at Seaside watching a sunset and all of a sudden," I glanced around a little wildly at the confines of my studio. "I'm here. I've never dreamed like that before.” I took a deep shuddering breath. I had to know! “How much of you was the dream, Sean?”

Suddenly Mari burst into the room, an anxious expression on her face. “Oh good! You’re here and you’re okay!” she was obviously relieved and I noticed that while Sean had dropped his arms, he hadn’t moved away. It comforted me that he wasn’t afraid to be seen in such proximity to me.

“She fell asleep up here on the window seat," he informed his mother, a trace of laughter in his voice. “I just woke her up.”

“Asleep!” She shook her head as she came over to me. “You silly girl! You had me worried when we peaked into your room and you weren’t there.”

I managed a weak grin, feeling like I had stepped out of reality. Which was real? “I got engrossed in my painting,” I told her, my voice sounding scratchy to my ears. I cleared my throat and turned toward the easel I had covered before falling asleep. I was beginning to remember now, and felt my equilibrium returning.

“May we look?” Mari asked, obviously dying to see it.

I glanced at Sean’s reassuring face before I shrugged and reached over to toss the cover back.

It was silent in the room for so long I felt like the earth had swallowed me up and I was beginning to wish it had, since their reaction was making me feel they didn’t like it.

But I was wrong. “Oh Angela!” Mari breathed finally, putting her hand out to touch the dry paint. Apparently she remembered I liked to work with acrylics, so she didn’t hesitate.

Sean moved up behind me and took hold of one of my hands to squeeze it tightly. “It’s just as I remember,” he said softly, his voice near my ear, making my insides quake again.

I let the breath out I hadn’t realized I was holding at their approval. “You like it?” I asked stupidly, glancing up at Sean and then at Mari. “It’s been so long since I’ve done anything, I know it’s not my best. But, I felt it was okay.”

Mari shook her head and gave a weak laugh. “Okay? Just okay? Oh Angela!” She turned to give me a fierce hug. “You do underestimate yourself! It’s wonderful. I can’t wait till Bill sees it.” She took off down the hall and I groaned.

“I’m not sure I’m up to Bill yet this morning,” I admitted to Sean somewhat shakily. “I’m still not sure if I’m dreaming or awake yet.”

He grinned and pulled me into his arms. “Let me see if I can convince you.” His face sobered just inches from my own. “Because if you’re dreaming, I don’t want it to end.”

By the time Mari returned with Bill, I didn’t care where I was or if it was reality or not. I just wanted to be there with Sean. But, at least I was a little more coherent when Bill walked in followed by his wife, and I watched his face for his reaction.

He didn’t disappoint me. “Good heavens, girl,” he said, coming to a stop in front of the easel. “You haven’t forgotten how to use that brush, have you?”

I smiled and leaned against Sean. I knew if Bill liked it, it was a good start.

Mari was waving her hands about the air as if to conger up more scenes for me to paint. “You just have to show this to Bette,” she exclaimed, and my heart stopped for a moment before starting again so rapidly that I thought it was going to jump out of my chest.

“Oh, no,” I gasped. “I don’t know...”

“Why not?” Sean’s quiet voice came from behind me, stopping my words before I knew what I was going to say. “Why not, Angel?” He turned me to look at him, and must have seen the sudden fear and uncertainty in my eyes. “You have to start over. You can’t let the past control your future.”

“I...” I bit my lip and looked at Mari and Bill.

“It would be hard to have a show, wouldn’t it?” Mari ventured softly. “I wasn’t suggesting you should rush into it, but I do think Bette would love to see this.”

I took a deep trembling breath. What a morning this was turning out to be! “I will think about it, okay? I mean, Seaside’s been painted over and over. She’s not going to be impressed.”

I chewed on my lip as I looked at their faces, ending on Sean. He inclined his head and glanced at the painting once more before clearing his throat.

“Well, I don’t know about anyone else, but I’m starving and if I don’t get going, I’m going to be late.”

Mari jumped and headed toward the door. “Oh no! I forgot when I saw Angie’s painting!”

I smiled at the nickname, knowing I could relax a little.

“Ho, yes, my girl,” Bill boomed, taking a last look at the painting. "Food for the body, now that we've had food the soul. Food!" With that he turned and left, following Mari with his heavy tread.

“Food for the soul, huh?” I murmured as I watched them go. I never would have thought of Bill as a romantic, but there it was.

“Most definitely.” Sean turned toward me, a smile on his face that was doing it’s best to ruin any appetite I might have had. “C’mon, good looking, I need to go, but I want to see you as much as I can before then.”

I managed a smile that I’m sure was wobbly as my knees. “Is Bill taking you to work again?”

“No,” he replied as I turned off the light and shut the door. “My tires are all fixed up like new.” The tone of his voice alerted me to more than what was said, but I knew we didn’t have to go into it.

I stopped him in the hallway. “Please be careful,” I said, gazing into his face.

He caught me by the shoulders and pulled me close to kiss me fiercely and thoroughly. I was quite dizzy when he finished and had to grip his arms for support.

“I have never had greater reason to,” he whispered, his voice husky.

I sighed and knew, for me, how much that was true.

“Sean, you’d better hurry up if you’re gonna get to work on time!” Mari’s voice brought us back to the present and we both grinned.

“Coming, Mom,” Sean called and turned me around to guide me down the hall to the stairs.

Breakfast was a no nonsense affair of cold cereal, toast and juice and lasted all of ten minutes for Sean. He was inhaling his juice when the phone rang and Mari answered it as he grabbed his jacket and planner, kissed me while Bill grinned and my cheeks reddened as he ran out the door.

“Now I find that a right interesting way to say goodbye,” Bill said to no one in particular, spreading some blackberry jam on his toast. Mari came in and noted his words along with my red face.

“Oh?” She said, curiosity and suspicion warring in her voice. I almost laughed. “And how was that?”

Bill raised an eyebrow at me and I managed to shrug, as if it was no big deal. “Oh nothing - just our son who hasn’t dated one girl for other than social reasons in the whole time he’s been here,” this was said for my information, I gathered from his pointing knife. “Just kissed Angela goodbye on his way out the door.”

Mari turned a truly surprised face to me and I kind of bit my lip, my cheeks still warm.

“And it twern’t no peck on the cheek,” Bill added before biting into the toast, his eyes twinkling.

“Oh,” Mari finally got a word out, trying to appear as casual as Bill, but I knew she was very excited by the way her eyes lit up and she almost jumped out of her chair. I could almost read the words on her mind, Could this be an engagement in the making?

Mari was never one to think something in a relationship ended in anything other than marriage. I sighed, hoping neither of them read too much into the whole thing. It was just a kiss, for heaven sake. I closed my eyes and sat back in my chair. A bone melting, butterfly in the stomach kiss, but still just a kiss.

Mari giggled and I supposed my thoughts must have shown on my face, and it was heating up again quite nicely. I groaned inwardly and sat up. “I’m going to go take a nap,” I announced, giving each of them a pointed look as I stood up and picked up my bowl. “I didn’t get a whole lot of sleep last night.”

“Whatever you want, dear,” Mari said with a bland expression. “Sweet dreams.”

I could have died. Sweet dreams? This was going to get really interesting really fast. I mean, it’s one thing to be dating and having your parents know you are interested in someone. It’s another thing to be involved with someone who was sleeping under the same roof! With his parents!

I sighed as I went up the stairs to my room. I just wanted some sleep, and I didn’t particularly want to dream, either.

A couple hours later, Mari came into my room. She was obviously trying to be quiet in case I was asleep, but it was enough to wake me.

“Oh, I’m sorry,” she whispered, obviously apologetic. “But Sean is on the phone and wanted to know if you were interested in lunch.”

I sat up when I heard that Sean was on the phone and swung my legs over the edge, feeling much more alive than I had earlier. “Sean’s on the phone?” I repeated, running a hand through my hair. “Oh good.”

Mari smiled and shook her head. “He’s waiting - on the phone?” She repeated, and I rubbed my hands over my face, hating the way it felt, left over makeup from the night before. I got up and tried to make it quickly down the stairs without breaking my neck. Mari followed, and I could hear her chuckling all the way down.

I grabbed the phone, wondering if my voice would give me away. “Hello?” I said, as Mari came into the kitchen behind me.

“Angel!” Sean’s voice sent shivers down my spine and I was instantly awake and remembering my goodbye kiss earlier. “Angel, do you want to come have lunch with me?” His voice was low and persuasive in my ear.

“Of course!” I answered quickly, anything!

There was a small sigh and then he chuckled. “I love the way you agree so quickly!”

I blushed, trying to hide it from Mari - who was making no pretense of being polite. “You’re probably blushing now,” he added softly, and I sighed.

“Look, Sean, do you want me to come have lunch or not?” I demanded, my embarrassment making me defensive. I could tell I shocked him by my question and attitude, and grinned over at Mari who also looked surprised. “Because I’ve only just woke up and need to shower and change clothes.”

It was still silent at the other end and I wondered if I had gone too far. I bit my lip and Mari raised an eyebrow at me. I shrugged. “Um, are you there?”

“Angela Barker, did you get up on the wrong side of the bed?” His voice was low so I couldn’t tell how he was feeling.

“Probably,” I replied and put a hand to my hip. “I am hoping the afternoon goes better.”

There was a deep chuckle in my ear that made my knees go weak. “Oh, Angel,” he said with a sigh. “It’s only been a couple of hours, and I’m probably letting myself in for a lot of hurt, but I miss you!”

I closed my eyes as I let the longing in his voice wash over me like a warm wave. “Sean,” I whispered. “How has this happened to us?”

“I don’t know,” was his reply. “But I’m not going to fight it. Not this time. Now, how soon do you think you can be here?”

I opened my eyes and realized Mari had left the room. That little sweetheart! I smiled fondly and focused back on Sean. “I can be ready in a half hour, but I don’t know how long it will take me to get there.”

“It should only take you about fifteen to twenty minutes,” Sean informed me. “I’ll give you thirty so I won’t start worrying too soon. That makes it an hour, right?”

I smiled into the receiver. “You got it, Mr. Palmer, and I expect you to be ready.”

Sean laughed. “Oh I will be, Angel, I will be.”

I replaced the receiver, feeling like I was living someone else’s life. This kind of thing never happened to me. This man was right out of GQ and he wanted me. I jumped up out of the chair and dashed up stairs. If I was going to make it in the time allotted, I had to get moving.

Chapter 9

It was another glorious day in Astoria, and perfect for driving. I wished my little Honda was a convertible, but, I sighed and leaned back in my seat, we can’t have everything.

This time I drove up to the guardhouse and waved to the guard. He grinned, apparently remembering me and stepped out with a little clipboard.

“Afternoon, Ma’am. I see you got your flat fixed.”

I smiled at him as I signed my name to the visitors list. “I sure did. Thanks.”

He waved me through and as I parked in the visitors parking, Sean came out of the door to the main building. I felt my pulse quicken, knowing he must have been waiting for me.

As I watched him come over, the blood in my veins slowed, feeling like warm molasses. This man did something to me that I couldn’t explain. I wasn’t sure I wanted to. I just didn’t want it to stop. I hadn’t taken much notice of his attire this morning because of the rush and confusion, but what I saw now convinced me his ex-wife had to have had an eye problem.

He was wearing soft brown casual slacks and a tan shirt that looked like it might be silk, the way it clung to his form. His wild geometric tie was loose again, and that made me smile as he came up next to me.

“Hey, beautiful,” he drawled, leaning into the window opening.

It took my breath away, but I seemed to have enough left to say, “Hello, yourself.”

“Want to take a tour?” He asked, his eyes not once leaving my face. It made me warm all over and I realized the blush was going up again.

I rolled my eyes and Sean grinned, reaching over to tap my warm cheeks. “I love it,” he said softly.

Some kids came out of the main building and their voices broke into the heated silence. Sean looked up a little irritated and then shook his head before looking back at me.

“I forgot where I was,” he admitted with a wry smile. I nodded my head in agreement. “So, which do you want to do first? Lunch or tour?”

I took a deep shaky breath. “I think we’d better do lunch first,” I said with a weak smile. “I’m feeling a little shaky right now.”

Sean’s look told me exactly what he thought of that remark and I shook my head. “Stop that!” I told him firmly. “Where are we going for lunch?”

He grinned and opened my door. “A place on the docks.” He reached in and rolled up my window. “You’ll love it.”

I grabbed my purse and let him help me out of the car. I watched him lock the doors and it reminded me of his car.

“Have you found out who did your tires?” I asked as we walked to his 4Runner.

He shook his head as he opened the door for me. “No, I didn’t expect to.” I pondered his statement as he went around and got in the driver’s side to start the car. “It was just to let me know that they weren’t happy with me.”

I looked at him startled. “What do you mean? You said you didn’t know who it was.”

Sean sighed, a deep tired sound. “I lied," he said flatly. "I know what’s going on, Angel. Someone has decided the Academy is the best way to smuggle drugs into Astoria. Dave found one of the stashes by accident and when he reported it, they had him beat up. I just couldn't tell my dad, he's having a hard enough time knowing this little stuff is happening to me, that would be just more stress.”

I shook my head at his words. “Was that why they were picking on him last week?” Sean’s father was right to worry after all. He was right about the whole thing.

He shook his head. “No, this happened about a month or so ago. He ended up in the hospital. He wouldn’t finger anyone, so we are no closer to the truth.” He sounded so grim, I was sure he was more involved than he was telling me.

“Why were they beating up on him this time?” Dave’s bruised and cut face floated with grim clarity into my thoughts.

Sean shrugged. “Dave told me that he thinks it was meant to be a reminder. They weren’t sure he got the message the first time, and the school is starting to get nervous about the publicity.”

I shook my head. “Nothing like the steamroller effect,” I muttered, feeling my joy in the day evaporate slowly at the information I'd received. How could that kid possibly feel safe? I looked out the window, realizing we were at the docks area and Sean was parking.

“We’re eating here?” I asked in surprise. I didn't know there was any place to eat out here.

Sean grinned. “The best!”

He got out, opened my door and proceeded to lead me across the walk way to a large old wood sided building. It was tucked down under the buildings surrounding it, but it had large windows so you could see everywhere from the bridge in one direction to almost the locks.

“This is nice!” I commented as we were seated.

He smiled at me, leaning back in his chair. “Only the best for you, Angel,” he stated, his words sending a delightful shiver down my spine.

Suddenly my breath caught in my throat and my heart raced. What was this man doing to me? I kept telling myself I needed to get back in touch with reality, but nothing else seemed more real than him.

Lunch passed in a delightful haze as we ate the finest I'd ever had. We feasted on shrimp and scallops with cheddar cheese potatoes, a cole slaw I had never tasted the likes of, and a sourdough bread worthy of San Francisco - all served by a waiter who seemed totally uninterested and half asleep on his feet, although his service was faultless. The above, combined with the stimulating company of the man across from me, made it the lunch of dreams. It seemed like the more time I spent with Sean, the more fascinating I found him.

I felt a twinge of fear as I looked across the table at him, lounging back in his chair, looking totally relaxed. I was beginning to wonder about our relationship and where it was headed. He felt so perfect to me, so comfortable. He seemed to feel the same way about me, but how could I be sure?

I had felt sure about a couple of men before, and it had been an awful experience. Marriage was a scary word to most, but that's where I wanted any relationship to head at this point in my life. What if Sean didn’t want to get married? Who could really blame him with his past experience?

I sighed inwardly, wishing I could lighten up and just enjoy the times I had with him. They would be fantastic memories for me to treasure...

“Angel,” Sean’s deep voice interrupted my train of thought as he reached over and took one of my hands in his. “Are you okay?” The expression on his handsome face made my heart beat faster. “You seem to be thinking deep thoughts,” he raised his other hand to ease the lines in my forehead. “Thought’s which aren't happy ones. Do you want to talk about it?”

I managed a weak smile. “I’m not sure I’m ready for that,” I admitted, my voice husky with nerves. “I’m not sure where they're headed yet.”

He cocked his head to one side, regarding me with such a steady gaze, that I was sure he could read my mind. “I’ll be here whenever you want to talk,” he assured me after a few moments, easing my worries. He leaned forward again, his expression earnest. “You know I’m here for you, don’t you, Angel?”

I nodded, feeling the warm touch of his skin as his fingers caressed mine. “I know that,” I replied, knowing inside that it was true. I knew I could always count on him. That was a wonderful thought in and of itself. It had been a long time since I’d thought I could really count on anyone. Especially a man.

Sean’s watch beeped suddenly, making me jump and surprising him. He groaned, letting go of my hand to look at his watch.

“I can’t believe it’s one o’clock already!” He ran a hand through his hair before waving for the waiter to bring our check. “I’m sorry,” he said, casting a look my direction filled with such regret it was almost palatable as he took out his wallet. “I forgot I have a meeting this afternoon, and it’s starting now!” He sounded irritated with himself and the prospect of having to end our lunch and I reached out to touch his hand as he put down a tip.

“Sean,” I said, trying to calm his anxiety. “We have lots of time. You can give me the tour another time.”

The look he gave me sent my senses into confusion as he leaned over and kissed me hard on the lips, letting me feel some of his frustration. I blinked as he stood up and pulled out my chair so we could leave.

“We don’t have lots of time,” he disagreed huskily, walking quickly out of the restaurant. He pulled me along the dock to the car, walking so fast that it was hard to keep up as I wondered what in the world he was talking about.

"What are you talking about?" I finally gasped out, as we reached his car.

“You leave in 14 days,” was the abrupt answer, settling me in the car and then starting it. He backed out of the spot with a squeal of tires and headed back toward the school, his expression hard to read.

“14 days!” he repeated, almost spitting out the words. “How the heck am I supposed to show you anything, help you get to know me or develop any kind of relationship in 14 days?”

I swallowed at the emotion in his voice, the passion I could sense emanating from him. I watched in amazement as he shook his head, his eyes on the road.

“I was so sure we could do everything I wanted to do, get to know you - really - for myself in the time you were going to be here,” he continued, driving like a race car driver down the freeway. “I figured by the time you left, you would promise to come back for Thanksgiving and we would be set.”

I chewed on my lip in absent-minded jitters, clutching the arm rest in an automatic gesture, my mind on his words more than his actions. He sounded like he had planned how my whole trip was going to be, and the next four months too. That didn’t sound like someone who was going to dump me when I went home.

The last sentence he’d said finally sank in and I held my breath. What in the world did he mean by set? I sat up a little and turned to ask him, but we were already at the entrance to the school and driving through the gates. Sean parked and dashed around to open my door.

“I can’t walk you to your car, Angel," he said hurriedly, helping me out and glancing up at the school. "I’ve got to go, please just...” he groaned and ran a hand through his hair, this time making some of it stand up, giving him a wild look. “We’ll talk later, okay?” He looked down at me intently, waiting for an answer and I gulped.

Finally, realizing the urgency, I nodded without a word and he kissed me fiercely, then was gone before I could open my eyes.

“Oh my,” I whispered, trying to gain my equilibrium. “That was strange!” I turned and headed slowly toward my car, feeling like I’d just survived a twister. What was going on with that man?

I had just gotten my keys out when I heard a voice call my name. I looked up in surprise to see Dave coming toward me, looking sharp in his school uniform of pleated slacks and white shirt with a dark blue tie.

“Hey, Dave!” I said, happy to see him standing. “How are you?”

He shrugged, a lazy smile on his face. “Not bad.” I could see the bruises on his face were starting to heal, only a light orange and green now. “What are you doing here?” He tilted his head in the directions of Sean’s car. “Mr. Palmer?”

I smiled at his observation. “Yep, went to lunch. What are you doing?”

He shrugged again, glancing around. “Just have an hour or so before my next class. Have you had the tour yet?”

I shook my head, putting my keys back in my purse. “Nope. Sean was going to take me and forgot he had a meeting.” I stopped, wondering if Dave really wanted to show me around or was being polite.

“Well then, have some time now? I could show you.” He seemed a little nervous, his face was a slight pink, and it made me chuckle.

“I was hoping you would offer,” I admitted, slinging my purse over my shoulder. “Where do we start?”

The next hour was informative and relaxing. Dave, who was I learned in his third year at the school, was an apt guide and had a sense of humor that had me laughing most of the time.

I was impressed with the school. It was well laid out and a well healed facility. He was showing me the auditorium where the talent show was going to be held the following night, when a group of kids came in, obviously going to rehearse their number.

“I guess we’d better go now, huh?” I asked as we watched them climb up on stage, talking to one another. He shrugged, an expression I couldn’t read on his face.

“Yeah, sure." He turned turned around to open the door for me, but he didn't seem to be thinking about what we were doing, he tried to walk through the other closed door. He looked at me funny, and then shook his head as we walked out.

I followed him back to my car, wondering what was on his mind. “Are you going to do something for the talent show?” I asked him as I pulled out my keys, thinking he was worried about his performance.

He gave me a disgusted look. “Heck no!” he stuck his hands deep in his pockets, his mouth twisted in mockery. “I don’t have any. I’m just going to watch everyone else make fools of themselves.”

I grinned at his expression. “Oh - well. It would have been fun to watch you do something.”

He relaxed and grinned before shaking his head. “Yeah, right!”

“Thanks for the tour, Dave,” I said. “It was fun.”

He shrugged. “No prob. Be careful driving home.”

“I will. Thanks!” I got into my car and I watched him in my rearview mirror, noticing he stayed there as I drove out the gate before turning and walking away.

Sighing, I started down the highway, rolling my window down and running a hand through my hair. What a day! I felt as if I had been up since 6 a.m. - but yet I felt restless, like I needed to do something. I groaned as I rubbed my face. I was going insane, I knew I was!

I needed to think about what Sean had been saying at lunch. I needed to figure out how I felt about the whole thing, and I needed to do it away from everyone - especially the Palmers. I wasn’t really in the mood to talk to Mari or Bill right now.

I turned off the highway onto a side street that went alongside the beginning of the hill and spotted an art supply store. Feeling slightly guilty for buying anything when I had all the supplies I could ever want back at the Palmers - I went in and purchased some sketching and watercolor supplies before heading up the hill to the column.

I had always loved going there when I was a kid. I was always fascinated with anything remotely associated with the ocean, and the column was it's own fascination - looking like a detached turret from a castle. I’d had all sorts of daydreams about it being Rapunzel’s tower, or a lighthouse on some distant shore, or even a castle turret where I was a captured slave. (I had quite the imagination).

I drove up the winding road to the top where there was a large grassy area around the column and to the sides. There was a token chain around it as if to notify that it wasn’t supposed to be entered. It was a brilliant white in the afternoon sun, and I sighed as I shut off the engine, relishing the cloudless summer day.

I loved the quiet, as if there were no one for miles. For some reason, the tourists weren't out in force today, and I had the place to myself. I could definitely get some thinking done here. I gathered my supplies which included a short stool and walked leisurely over to the grassy area to the east of it. I already knew how I wanted to sketch it. In fact, I really wanted to catch it in watercolor, so thus the purchase.

I set the stool down with my supplies and stood for a moment to decide on the best view. I walked to one side for a moment and then walked to the south of it, picturing the surrounding trees and buildings. I finally decided to leave the other buildings out and sat down to begin.

I had sketched in the basic outline of the tower against the sky and trees, and had started mixing my watercolors when a shadow fell over my paper, distracting me from my work. I looked up a little irritated to see an old woman standing at my side, her eyes surrounded by such deep wrinkles that she almost appeared to have a wooden face, staring out into the ocean, waiting for a ship to come in.

Her hair was white, gathered into a tight bun with little wispy hairs escaping and a pair of earrings that could have passed for old fishing lure any day. Her clothes were worn, but clean and she had a sharp look in those deep set blue eyes that forestalled the rude words I had been about to utter. By her side, so silent that I hadn’t noticed it at first, was a large black shaggy dog, which appeared to be a Labrador, but it needed a hair cut desperately.

"It's been a long time since someone has come here to be inspired." She stated in a gravely voice.

I put my pencil down and rubbed my hands together. Now that I was aware of things, I realized I had been sitting a while and was stiff. I rolled my shoulders and leaned back a little to observe this small-wizened woman.

"It has?" I prompted. "You've lived in Astoria a long time?"

She looked down at me, almost as if she was sizing me up. "All my life," was the abrupt reply. "My father used to be caretaker of the column."

“Wow,” I uttered, very impressed. I’d always wanted to meet someone who knew something about the column. Now was my chance. “I’m so excited!” I turned to look at her directly. “I used to pretend all sorts of things about it when I was a kid.” Suddenly I remembered my manners, and rolled my eyes. “I’m so sorry! What am I thinking?” I grinned, feeling like a child next to her. "My name is Angela Barker, and I'm visiting here for a while. Do you know the Palmers?" I debated whether to offer the welcoming hand or not. I decided she would put hers out if she wanted contact.

"Palmers...Palmers, as in Bill Palmer, the Lumberjack?" The old woman almost made it sound as if it was a title of honor, and I couldn't keep from smiling with pride.

"Yes, that's them. I'm staying with them."

She looked down at me for a minute, and then slowly held out her hand, the age-old courtesy coming a little reluctantly. "Well, then, welcome to Astoria, Angela Barker. Rhoda Mae MacAlister." I shook her hand and then she indicated her silent companion. “This is Raven. He’s the best guard dog I’ve ever had.”

I looked at her a little surprised at that information. “Why would you need a guard dog?” I held out my hand to the dog so he could see I wasn’t a threat. She watched as he sniffed my hand and then wagged his tail softly and licked me, once.

“You never know what people are up to any more,” she answered me. “He’s the offspring of the dog my father had.”

I could hardly believe I had such a source of information! Suddenly I was called back to my initial excitement. “Can you tell me anything about it?” I asked, gesturing at the column. “Like why it’s here? What the mural is all about?”

She shrugged. “Sure, but you can get all that stuff down at the information center.”

I made a face. “True, but that’s not the same.” I looked back at the column, at it’s glistening white sides apparently having had the mural freshly painted, making it look like a Roman column transported in time. “I was hoping you could tell me something a little bit more interesting, more romantic in its history, I guess.”

I got a cackle out of her at that, and it made the dog bark softly. “Romantic? Hah!” She put her hands in her pants pockets and peered at me closely. “Youth and their romance. Everything has to be romantic.”

I didn’t know what comment to make at that, and chewed on my lip under her scrutiny.

She finally shrugged and turned to look at the object of our conversation. “I don’t know that anyone cares about it anymore. It’s just the column.” Then she turned and looked at me closely. “What does it mean to you?”

I cocked my head to one side and shrugged. “Not a whole lot, just a lot of childhood dreams. I had a lot of adventures in that column. I guess I thought it would be fun to know if something really exciting happened here.”

She gave me a strange look that said told me she had secrets galore. “Well, maybe if you come again I might have something for ya.”

I turned to look at the column briefly, and when I turned back, she was gone. So silently I’d swear it was as if she'd never been there. I gasped to myself, and then sighed as I saw her just as she and the dog rounded a corner to a house down the road.

"Thank Heavens!" I muttered, turning back to my painting. "I was about to wonder if she was a ghost!"

I sat down and gathered up my paints, trying to decide if I wanted to try and finish or come back another time. I chewed on my lip and decided to do some of the back wash. As I spread it on, my mind drifted to her words, not wholly on the task.

Astoria with smugglers. It was fascinating. I knew I was going to have to talk to Bill about it when I got home. Had the column ever been part of it?

I finished the wash and then glanced at my watch with a gasp. It was almost 6! Sean was going to be home and wondering where I was.

I grabbed up my supplies and stool and tossed them in the back of the car and headed off, not quite able to put the strange old woman out of my mind. I hoped Sean or his parents would be able to tell me something about her.

I chuckled when I drove into the driveway and saw Sean outside, pacing the front porch. I knew he would be anxious about me and it was a warm feeling, knowing someone was thinking of you - wondering where you were. He was at my door before the engine turned off and opening it to pull me out a little roughly.

“Angel,” he groaned. “I’ve been worried out of my head, and having arguments with myself, and I-” he pulled me into his arms to hold me so tight I thought a rib might crack. “I’m sorry,” he whispered in my ear, “I don’t mean to startle you. I’ve just been a little worried about you. I couldn’t think where you might have gone.”

I smiled into his shoulder and gave a soft sigh. “It’s okay. I knew you would be worried. I came home as soon as I realized what time it was.” I pulled back enough to see his face, putting my hands along each side, feeling the beginning of stubble along his jaw. “I was up at the column painting, I was okay.”

He pulled me close again, obviously not wanting to let me go. I wondered if I would ever get tired of his concern. Somehow I didn’t think so. “Angel,” he said after a minute. “I was really upset that I didn’t get to finish what I had started talking about this afternoon. Can we talk about it now?”

I nodded my head, wondering if my life was going to change. I could feel my heart starting to beat harder.

“Sean!” We both jumped as Mari’s voice came to us from the door. “Sean, you’re wanted on the phone.”

He groaned and touched my forehead with his. “I hate telephones,” he mumbled and I giggled at him. “I’ll be right back,” he said firmly. “Wait for me.”

I smiled at him as he ran into the house, and leaned back against my car. I was so happy, I could barely contain myself. I had never had happiness like this before. I hugged my arms around myself and closed my eyes. I could only hope I knew the subject Sean wanted to talk about. I knew he was really upset that I was leaving in a week and a half. I heard the screen door open and turned to see him coming out, a dark look on his face.

“Sean, what’s wrong?” I asked, going over to meet him. He rubbed a hand over his face and then pulled me into his arms for a tight hug.

“I’m sorry, but we're not going to be able to talk right now,” he said, his voice hard and full of frustration. “I’ve got to go to the school. There’s been some vandalism in my classroom, and they want me to come check it out.”

“Oh, no! How awful!” I gasped dismayed. “When did it happen? You’ve only been home a while.”

He chewed on his bottom lip for a minute, looking over my head. “I guess it happened right after the classes were all let out.” He looked down at me. “I left a little early to try and continue our talk.” His eyes seemed bleak as he gazed at me, it made my heart ache. “Angel, I have to go, but we are going to finish that conversation, if it has to be at three in the morning one of these days, okay?”

I nodded with a weak smile at his attempt of humor. “It’s okay, you need to go. We can talk later. I’ll be here.”

He sighed and then pulled me up to give me a hard kiss before letting me go. I watched him climb into his 4Runner, my blood singing in my veins. What a man. I waved at him as he pulled out, and felt my heart sink - but only a little.

It amazed me that my happiness was still intact. Usually when I was feeling emotional about someone, I wasn’t happy if I wasn’t with him - I would spend the time moping and being depressed. I smiled as I gathered my art supplies out of the car and headed into the house. Perhaps it was knowing that I was living in Sean’s house, and would be seeing a lot of him. There was no reason to be depressed.

I managed to get the door open with my full hands and promptly dropped them all on a nearby chair when I saw Mari, standing in the middle of the room, wringing her hands and looking extremely worried.

“Mari!” I gasped, going to her and taking hold of her hands. “What’s wrong?”

She shook her head. “Oh, Angie! I'm so worried! What is happening at that school? Why would someone vandalize Sean’s classroom?”

I sighed, wondering how I could help calm her when I had some of the same thoughts. I was pretty sure I understood what was going on in her head. I pulled her close and gave her a hug. “He is going to be fine,” I insisted, trying to reassure her. “There are all sorts of security there now, no one can hurt him.”

“But what about during class time?” she persisted. “They are getting pretty cocky about what they can do. I mean, this sort of thing isn’t supposed to be happening!”

I nodded, and glanced out the window to the driveway where Sean’s car had been. This was bringing it close to home. What was Bill going to think? I was afraid it was all going to come to a head soon, and the resulting explosion could destroy everything. I sighed and lead Mari over to the couch.

“Here, lets sit down for a minute,” I said, sitting down next to her. “Mari, you’ve got to relax! You’re going to work yourself into a nervous breakdown if you keep this up."

She nodded her head, smiling weakly, her eyes still holding a worried look. I shook my head, patting her hands which were clenched in her lap. "I know you're worried about what is going on,” I said, unable to keep from glancing out the window again, as I wished her fears didn’t feed mine. “But we have to hope that things will be taken care of by the police. He knows how to take care of himself.”

She gave a sigh, letting most of her anxiety out with it, then nodded slowly. “I know. I’m just terrified of losing him again,” she admitted softly.

I took a deep breath, letting it out slowly, as I tried to calm myself down, she had me all worked up now. “I can believe that,” I told her. “You guys have been through so much. I understand why Bill gets so upset about these things too.” I glanced at my watch. “What time is Bill going to be home, anyway?”

Mari gasped, glancing at the clock on the wall. “Oh my! He’ll be home any minute, and dinners not ready!" She jumped up and started wringing her hands again. "Sean’s not here, and I’m a nervous wreak! What is he going to say?”

I shook my head and nudged her in the direction of the kitchen, knowing his reaction would not be good, if the restaurant discussion was any indication. “Let’s see if we can’t make things as normal as possible before he gets here.” I figured Bill would probably want to race out to the school to confront the security people. “Maybe we can downplay this a little,” I added, rushing to get the table set.

Mari shook her head as she stirred the soup, which thankfully, was already cooked on the stove. “I don’t know, Angie,” she said with a shaky sigh. “I don’t know that this can be downplayed anymore.”

I had to admit she was right, but I hoped that some sense of normalcy would delay it a little.

We were actually able to get everything ready and set on the table before Bill walked in. He looked really tired, and I wondered what he had been doing. He didn’t do full time work anymore; just small projects that people hired him for, so I couldn’t imagine him looking so tired from that.

“Evening, all,” he thundered, a little less lively, but still loud enough to let us know he was home.

“Hi Bill,” I greeted him with a smile. “How was your day?”

He shrugged and started folding up his sleeves as he headed down the hall to the bathroom. “Not too bad,” he responded with a sigh.

I glanced at Mari who looked so relieved at what we’d been able to accomplish, that she seemed ready to plop down and cry. She watched her husband go down the short hallway, and took a deep breath.

“You look tired tonight, hon. What did you do today?”

We listened to the sound of water running and waited for him to appear.

“I measured some wood and hauled it out to the workshop.” He replied, running a hand through his hair. “I’ve got some special projects going, and I needed some special wood.” He sighed again, sitting down heavily in his chair. “I guess I’m not up to the haulin’ like I used to be.”

I grinned at him, trying to ignore the ache in my heart at his obvious weakness. “You just like to keep thinking you’re a young buck,” I declared. “You better watch out, you can’t do the same stuff you used to.”

He grinned over at me, some of the sparkle back in his eyes. “Naw. I’ll stop working when they pry the cold hammer out of my lifeless fingers!” He held up a strong tanned hand, that had seen many years of good work. “And that’s a long ways away!”

“That’s for sure,” Mari said quickly, coming over from the stove with the pot of soup. “You’ve got lots of years in those hands, and don’t let this young whippersnapper here tell you any different.”

Bill smiled fondly at his wife before leaning over to kiss her softly. I turned away, a little embarrassed at the display of emotion. It wasn’t something he usually did, and it surprised me. Maybe Sean was beginning to rub off on his father!

Mari sat back, looking a little flushed when I looked back at them, and I figured she didn’t mind one bit.

I handed her my bowl, and Bill sat back, heaving another tired sigh as Mari dished us up. I watched him warily as he glanced around and realized Sean wasn’t there.

“Where’s Sean?” He asked as he took his bowl from Mari.

She stilled at the question, and then glanced at me pleadingly.

“He had to run back to the school for something,” I said, figuring that wasn’t too much of a lie. “He’ll be back in a little while.”

“Oh.” He rolled his shoulders, obviously trying to loosen things up, and didn't pursue the subject any further.

I couldn’t believe how tired and sore he looked. I’d never seen Bill like this, and I was dying to know what kind of project he was working on.

“Dinner looks good, hon,” he said after a minute, and I saw Mari glance at him in surprise.

“Thanks, Bill.” She brought over hot cornbread from the oven, looking a little confused at the remarks he was making.

I didn’t know why she would react to his comment that way, he always said she was the best cook in Astoria. What an odd night, I thought with a sigh. That reminded me of the woman I’d met.

“Do either of you remember an old woman named Rhoda Mae MacAlister?” I asked, reaching for the cornbread.

Mari glanced at Bill who looked up from his bowl. “Can’t say as I have,” he said after swallowing. “Have you?” He looked at Mari, who seemed a little surprised.

“You’ve met her?” She was clearly amazed.

“Yeah,” I replied, sitting back a little. “I was up at the column doing some painting and she came over to talk to me.”

“Wow,” Mari looked over at Bill, who shrugged and continued eating.

“She never talks to anyone,” she told me, dishing up some soup.

I looked at her in surprise. “I got the impression she was bestowing a favor on me, but I didn’t think it was that unusual. When have you talked to her?”

Mari grinned. “Oh, it was a long time ago.”

Bill looked thoughtful for a few minutes before I saw a faint reddish color start up his neck.

“My heck,” I said, dropping my spoon. “What were you doing?”

Mari blushed almost as well as I do. “Well, we were up in the column one night and she was out walking.”

“Before we were married,” Bill put in suddenly, and that put things in a new light.

“Oh,” I said, grinning as I sat back in my chair. “You two were up in the column, um, looking at the view of the stars?”

Mari shrugged, grinning over at Bill. “Well, sort of. We weren’t doing much looking outside of the column though.”

He raised an eyebrow at me. “Like you’ve never thought of taking Sean off somewhere private?” he teased me back, and I shrugged.

“Okay, okay. So, that’s the only time you’ve talked to her?” I shook my head at their teasing, trying to get back to the subject of Rhoda Mae.

Mari nodded. “Yeah. That was so long ago.” She looked over at Bill. “Remember that night? It was perfect. There were no clouds, it was summer and warm and the stars were huge...”

Bill cleared his throat, a flush still up his neck. “I remember that night very clearly,” he stated in a soft voice. “I just don’t think I’m ready for Angie to hear about it.”

I grinned and Mari blushed. “Oh, that’s probably true,” she quickly turned her attention back to her dinner. “Never mind,” she said to me, her eyes twinkling.

I groaned. “You two! Like I never heard about making out before! C’mon! She has me very curious.”

Bill just grinned at me and I rolled my eyes. “Great, so how do I find out who she is?” I asked, attacking my soup.

Mari shrugged. “You could always go look up her father at the city building. They might have his name from his working there, since she said he had.”

I thought about that for a minute, and then sat back. “You know, I asked her if there were any stories she could tell me about the column, and she said I could read all about it in any of the brochures. But surely there was something about that column that no one tells anyone about, wasn’t there? I told her that I thought there had to have been something romantic about it and she pretty much laughed at me, but she did tell me next time I went up there she might have something for me. What do you think she was talking about?”

Mari looked over at Bill and shrugged. “Who knows. I don’t know anything unusual about it, do you?” Bill shook his head and continued eating.

“I guess that might have been a fisher to see if you would come back,” Mari suggested with a smile.

I made a face. “You know, you’re probably right. I'm such a sponge!”

Bill looked up with one eyebrow cocked. “Sponge? Nah, just gullible!”

I stuck out my tongue and Mari chuckled and we went back to eating our dinner. I kept wanting to look at my watch, worrying about Sean. I knew Mari was too, but she was sure hiding it well. Bill was too tired and sore to notice anything going on, and I was very glad.

I sighed inwardly. I had never thought I’d be involved in anyone’s life like this. I hadn’t thought it was possible. And now, here I was, anxiously waiting for his arrival, fearful for his safety, and my sanity. I looked down at my mostly empty bowl and decided I’d lost my appetite.

“I’m gonna take a walk and see if I can’t relax before I call it a night,” I told them with a sigh, getting up from the table. “I sure didn’t get much sleep last night.”

Bill grinned and Mari smiled. “Just lazy, that’s all,” he said, his voice booming across the room. “You youngun’s can’t handle a little work!”

I decided to not encourage him and went around to give him a kiss on the cheek and went to do the same to Mari. “Night, folks.”

“Goodnight, dear,” Mari said softly.

"Stay to the road," Bill cautioned, and I grinned at him in reply.

I stepped out the front door, enjoying the quiet sounds that surrounded me. The rustling of the trees in the breeze, the call of the seagulls as they flew overhead, the occasional buzz of a hummingbird whizzing past the porch. I was so tired, but I was also wound up - anxious about Sean and what was going on at the school. I went slowly down the driveway, sticking my hands in my pockets. I didn’t think I would go far, but hopefully it would give me some air and help me relax.

Sean had said he’d be back as soon as he could, and that was almost and hour or more ago. I found myself wishing he had a cellular phone so I could call him, but knew that wasn’t fair. He had things he had to do, and I needed to let him have his space. He couldn’t prevent me from worrying, though.

I tried to distract my thoughts of worry and think about something else, the column of course coming to the front of my mind. I remembered the first time I had gone to see the tower with Bill.

I had been about 12 that year, and my parents had gone into Portland with Mari to do some shopping. Bill didn’t want to go and so he had volunteered to baby-sit (I had been so mortified to think they still thought I needed to be babysat)and we had spent a wonderful afternoon going to different spots of interest.

The first stop had been the column. Back then it was kind of a tourist attraction, and they offered tours on and off. The day we went, there were no tours, but the column was open for visitors. I had gasped with delight when I spotted that shining white building, knowing for sure it was part of a castle or tumbled down ruin that they had pulled all but this away. Bill had been amused by my reaction, letting me run around and climb the stairs and daydream for almost an hour before he decided it was time to do other things, and had climbed up to get me.

“Uncle Bill, what is it like to be on a big boat at sea?” I had asked, standing at the top and letting the breeze blow my hair, pretending we were on a huge clipper ship, heading for Africa. Bill had chuckled.

“Well now, it’s like nothing you’ve ever experienced,” he answered with a sigh. “All that sea, everywhere around you with no land in sight - just wave after wave of ocean and seagulls crying. It’s restful for the soul, it is. Grand stuff.”

“Wow,” I’d been envious of his life. “I wish I could go out on one. I’d love to be a sailor, and visit all the different countries, see the ocean during a storm...” My voice had been wistful, I had always been quite the dreamer. Bill had chuckled and put an arm around my shoulders.

“I’m sure you will, Angie. You can do whatever you want to do. You have been born at the best period of time. There is so much out there waiting for you.”

I had shrugged, not really interested at the time about my future being a wide open door, and not catching the note of longing in his voice, that I believe upon reflection, was there.

Now as I walked on that quiet stretch of road, I wondered what had happened to that open door. It certainly hadn’t remained open, and I definitely had no clear view of my future. It sure wasn’t what I had thought it was going to be.

Maybe with the renewal of painting, the door was beginning to open again, I thought, chewing on my lower lip. Avenues I haven’t thought about for years are still there, I just hadn’t wanted to look at them. I came to a stop and felt a shiver of fear and excitement. It had been up to me to open that door. It had never really closed, I had just tried to push it that way. Now, it was opening up to me again, with all its possibilities.... I took a deep breath and started walking quickly, not really seeing the beauty around me. It was like I’d had a moment of clarity, and it scared me.

I’d felt so alone and isolated for so long, it made me ache inside to realize that I had done it to myself. I had shut myself off from people and things, afraid of hurting, but, I wasn’t really living. Now, it was like I was on an edge...did I jump off, or cling to the side? Was I afraid of the short span? Or was it a minor traverse?

I folded my arms tightly, feeling a little cold and afraid. I hadn’t expected this to happen. I guess I’d expected to live in my isolation for the rest of my life, but that wasn’t reality, and if I really analyzed it - I didn’t want that. But, to change so suddenly was certainly a little frightening. I realized I was already on that road. I had begun to paint again, and I was enjoying it immensely.

Suddenly I was exhausted, and turned back toward the house. At least now I would be able to sleep. I was still worried about Sean, but I figured he wouldn’t be gone much longer. I couldn't wait to talk to him about what I was feeling, I was sure he would understand.

It didn’t take long to get back to the house, and I went inside, hoping Mari and Bill were not going to try and keep me up. They were no where to be seen, and all the lights were off except for the kitchen, so I went up to bed, feeling almost bone tired. Today had been a momentous day, I decided as I undressed and slipped under the covers. It almost made me wonder what tomorrow was going to be like, but I was too tired to dwell on it. I fell asleep hoping Sean would wake me up when he got home...

Chapter 10

Sean didn’t wake me up.

I found myself pondering that as I gazed out the windows in the studio. I had woken up to discover the house surrounded by fog, the kind I hadn’t experienced in a long time. Salt Lake doesn’t get much fog, especially in the summer.

I had gone down the hall to the studio, thinking to enjoy the sight from the large windows, my robe wrapped around me and the window seat sighing beneath me. It was a whole different world. The fog drifting around the trees, and wrapping around buildings. It was as if someone had dumped gray cotton candy on top of us, and was slowly stirring it. I had always enjoyed cloudy or foggy days, I always felt the colors were deeper, more defined when there was not bright sunlight.

Sighing, I leaned my head back against the window. I was anxious about Sean. I guessed he was home, I could make out the outlines of his 4Runner in the driveway, but there were no sounds of life in the house. It amazed me that I was the first one awake, I never woke up early on my own.

Glancing down at my watch I chuckled as I read 7 a.m. Definitely earlier than I like to wake up, I thought, looking back out the window. But despite all the worries of the night before, I had slept better than I had in a long time. I felt very rested and relaxed, and decided a cup of hot chocolate would be the perfect companion.

I tried to be quiet as I went down stairs into the kitchen. I knew the hardest part would be the microwave beeping, but hopefully it wouldn’t be loud enough to wake anyone up. I found the hot chocolate mix and a large mug, stuck the combination into the microwave and set the time. I leaned against the counter as I waited for it to beep, thinking about Sean and the day before.

He had urgently wanted to talk to me. I'd thought since he was so determined, he would have woke me up, but I guess it wasn’t. Was I just imagining things? I don’t believe I was imagining the way he kissed me, or either of our responses to each other. I also didn’t think I was imagining the way he looked at me, the memory of which sent me into a daydream, quickly interrupted by the microwave beeping at me.

I sighed and retrieved my hot chocolate, glad that apparently I hadn’t disturbed anyone. I silently made my way back up the stairs into the studio, curling up on the window seat to gaze at the swirling masses outside. Now I was set for sometime, and I was going to enjoy every minute.

I sat there for a few minutes, enjoying the quiet and watching the movement of the fog, just letting my mind wander and not focusing on anything. Suddenly I heard a sound behind me, and I turned to see Sean standing in the doorway, looking every inch the GQ morning vision in his flannel bottoms and open flannel shirt, his chin dark with morning growth and eyes bleary with little sleep. I caught my breath and managed to sit up without spilling my hot chocolate.

“Sean,” I managed quietly. “Good morning.”

He smiled lazily at me, making my heart skip a beat before going on wildly. “Good morning, Angel.” He walked over to where I sat and leaned over to touch the window, gazing out at the fog. “What an amazing scene,” he commented, his voice husky. “Are you thinking of painting it?”

I shook my head with a weak smile. “No. I don’t do fog very well. I just like to watch it.”

He looked down at me with half-lidded eyes, and my breath caught in my throat, making me light headed. “I think I need a kiss first,” he muttered to himself, before bending down and kissing me thoroughly.

I sighed as he stood back up, my bones now melted into the window seat. “Well, that was quite the good morning kiss.” I commented, my voice somewhat unsteady as he lifted my feet and sat on the window seat beneath them. I tried to gather my thoughts which tended to scatter at his touch. “What did you mean by getting a kiss first?”

Sean rolled his head toward me, opening his eyes and looking at me so intently that I felt as if the room was fading away...

“I thought we would finish that talk we had started yesterday,” he said finally, his hands continuing to massage my feet.

“Oh.” The serious talk. The one that I'd thought he'd wake me for, but scared me at the same time. He wanted to talk now?

He chuckled at the wariness of my tone and lifted one of my feet to kiss a toe. “Don’t get all nervous, Angel,” he admonished softly. “I don’t want to scare you. We do need to talk, don’t you think?”

I nodded, making a face. “Yes, I think so too, but it’s just-”

“A little more serious than you are used to?” He interrupted my line of thought, his voice dry.

I gulped at his observation, and nodded, wondering why this whole thing had me more nervous than a cornered cat.

“Oh, Angel,” Sean pulled me gently but firmly toward him until I was settled on his lap. “What is there to be nervous about? We need to talk about us - what we are feeling, and where we want things to go. What our expectations are. I have some things I need to tell you, and now would be the best time. Ok?”

I nodded, rendered speechless at the tenderness in his voice. I gazed up at his strong tanned face, and was amazed again at the knowledge this man had feelings for me. I guess I was about to find out how strong they were.

“Angel, I haven’t been entirely honest with you, since you’ve been here,” he began, looking away from me, and I felt my heart stop with panic before beating again slowly. He smiled weakly at my expression and ran a finger along my cheek. “Nothing that awful!” he insisted, and I rolled my eyes and tried to pay attention.

“When I came home from back east,” he began quietly, almost as if he was afraid for me to hear him, “I was a very bitter person, and I wasn’t ready to forgive myself for my mistakes, or the pain I had brought to my family. I felt that I had been a fool to have been so naive and fall for my ex, and then to have everything be such a disaster.” He sighed and shook his head, looking away from me again.

“Oh, Sean,” I said, sorrow for all he had suffered filling my heart to bursting with it’s pain. “You don’t have to do tell me-”

“No, you have to know,” he insisted, his voice firm. He picked up my hand and brought it to his mouth, the kiss to my wrist one of delicate salute. “I had been home maybe a day, when I was looking around the front room and saw the photo of you with your parents. I was astounded! I felt like someone had knocked me over the head with a mallet. There you were smiling at me, surrounded by the love of your parents, the loveliest thing I had ever seen...”

The wonder in his voice sent chills down my spine, and I shook my head in amazement. “You felt something for me that long ago?” I whispered, awed by the feeling I heard in his voice.

He looked down at me, his eyes so full of love that I caught my breath and could only stare back at him. “I did. I knew I had to meet you. I had to find out about you. You had been apart of my parents life, and I hadn’t known you because of my pigheadedness.” He sighed again, holding me close. “I pestered my parents about you for weeks. I wanted to know everything about you. Everything you had done, what you liked to do, music you liked, where you lived. Everything I could get them to remember. It drove Leslie nuts, but she was involved too. I questioned her about everything she could tell me, which made me feel a little less upset when I discovered she didn’t know you very well either.”

I smiled, caressing his shirt with my fingers. “Leslie was so busy with her friends and her life. I was always painting. I really didn’t interact much with anyone else.”

Sean was silent for a moment, and then he spoke so softly I almost didn’t hear him. “I felt you were very lonely,” he said finally, his voice holding a question in it.

I sat up and turned on his lap, totally amazed. “You what? Oh Sean,” I shook my head and smiled up at him. “No, no, no! I was never lonely! I always had my parents and your parents and my painting! I lived in m own little world, and I liked it very much.”

He looked at me closely searching, I guess, for any clue that I wasn’t being completely truthful those visits. “Oh.” He looked a little relieved. “Well, I figured you were. And then my mom told me about the accident, and Dad showed me the reports, and they both were so broken up that you hadn’t been back here since.” He took a deep breath and let it out slowly. “I decided there was some reason you weren’t coming back. You were still hurting, or feeling alone, or something, and maybe you needed an outstretched hand.”

I closed my eyes at the tenderness of his words, his deep voice going deep inside to my heart, where it seemed to reverberate. What kind of man was this I had found? When had I done something so right to deserve him?

“So you talked your parents into building the studio,” I said softly, remembering what Mari had told me.

He nodded above me. “Yeah, I figured Mom would tell you. Well, it seemed to be something Dad and I could do together, that would get us past the ‘I care but don’t know how to show it’ phase.” He pulled me forward to kiss the top of my head, and I curled my hands into his shirt, wishing this moment could go on forever. “It went well. It worked. We were able to start talking about what we wanted out of life. I was finally able to talk to him about the mistakes I had made. I was also able to learn some things from him that I had been too self absorbed to learn before.”

He tilted my head up so he could see my eyes. “One of those things was to cherish what I felt for you, even if you never came to feel the same in return.”

“Oh,” The depth of emotion in his voice wrapped around my insides like a soft ribbon.

He caressed my face with his strong warm hand, and I leaned into it, to let him know I treasured his touch.
“So,” he continued after a moment, his voice husky, but obviously determined to finish this part of the story. “I told Mom that she needed to write you and tell you it was time to come back. I figured we were going to have to be the one’s reaching out to you. I never dreamed you’d call the night you got the letter!”

I grinned at the astonishment in his voice. “You were right,” I told him, reflecting the way I'd been living. “I was alone. I didn’t have a soul, or so I thought. I was wasting my life, and wishing there were more.” I looked up at him, touching his face softly. “I had no idea you were waiting for me.”

We gazed at each other for a moment, filled with such peace and happiness that we were together, then Sean bent down and kissed me - so softly it might have been a whisper and then stronger, letting me know how he truly felt.

“Angel,” he said unsteadily after a few minutes, “you know I love you?”

I closed my eyes and treasured the moment, letting go of my fears. “I hoped so,” my addition came out shakily, but I was relieved to know I'd been right. “You know I think I love you?”

I guess the “think” was a bit poor on my part, but then, I had never really known love before and I wasn’t sure what I was feeling. I was pretty sure, but he might as well know where I stood.

He held me tightly, hardly breathing, and I snuggled deeper. Suddenly it felt like he was shaking, and I reached up to feel moisture on his cheeks. “Oh, Sean!” I whispered, worried more than ever, “What are you feeling?”

He took a deep shuddering breath and held tighter to me. “I’m afraid,” he admitted, his voice husky. “I love you so much, and I never thought I would feel this way for anyone after Suzette crushed me. I guess I'm terrified I'll scare you off." He chuckled low in his chest, brushing at his face and then holding me again.

"I was half-afraid that I'd fallen in love with a photo, and that when you came, I'd see that you are a totally different person than I thought. But you're not. You're exactly as I thought you'd be, and it makes me happy that you can express feelings for me - but I'm scared to death I'm going to loose you.” He looked down at me and smiled weakly. “I sound like a girl.”

I giggled at his words. “Yeah, the nineties man and all, that’s you.” I shook my head and raised a hand to caress his face. “Sean, please don’t be afraid, I don’t think I could bear to be apart from you. I’m not going anywhere yet.”

He looked down at me, a bleak expression on his face. “I hate the idea of you going back to Utah,” he admitted, pulling me close again and holding me so tight I almost couldn’t breath. There was no way I was going to say a thing though. “I’m afraid if you go, I’ll never get out there to see you and you’ll forget what we have. I’ve been thinking I might have to try and transfer to Utah, so I could be close to you.”

I was silent for a moment, and he fidgeted a little, letting me know my silence worried him. I licked my dry lips and could not believe what I was about to say. I was really surprised at myself, but the idea felt so right...

“Sean,” I ventured finally, pulling my courage around me. “What if I were to quit my job in Utah and come live here?”

He went still at my words, and I could tell he was stunned. He pulled back slowly, having to see the expression on my face, I guess to make sure I was serious.

“Move to Astoria?” he repeated, his voice cracking in his amazement. “You would do that?”

I nodded, my heart beating so hard I thought it was going to jump out of my chest. I had never been so brazen in my life. I was offering a lot here, and I had the feeling he knew exactly what I was doing.

“Angel,” he said, cupping my face in his hands, his eyes caressing every inch of it, the warmth in them heating my skin. “Angel, would you-”

“Sean!” Bill’s voice boomed through the house suddenly, causing us both to jump and shattering the moment totally.

I felt like I was in shock, and I looked at Sean, knowing my eyes were wide with emotion. Sean looked just as startled as I did and frowned as he looked down at me.

“Sean!” Bill yelled again, his voice sounding a little cross.

I bit my lip as Sean groaned, gently putting me off his lap so he could move. “Coming, Dad,” he called as he stood up. He turned and looked at me with such longing I almost melted. “We are going to finish this!” he said fiercely. “If it means we have to go somewhere entirely away from this city to do it!”

I smiled weakly at his frustration, and he bent down to kiss me hard before turning and leaving the room. I sat back against the windows, closing my eyes to revel in the last few minutes. Sean loved me! I was thinking of moving to Oregon! Whew, I didn’t seem to be able to anything in half measures today!

I thought about my reply to his feelings. I thought I loved him? What did love mean anyway? I knew I didn’t want to spend any time apart from him, I knew I melted at his touch and my pulse raced when he was near. I knew the sound of his voice, and the richness of those eyes...

“Angie?” Mari’s voice carried to me from the hallway, seeming to come from very far away. “Angie, are you going to come down for breakfast?”

I sighed, opening my eyes to look out again at the fog which was a little lighter, the sun coming up to filter through. I didn’t feel like facing anyone, much less eating. I just wanted to be by myself for awhile and enjoy the feelings that were cursing through me.

“I’ll be down later,” I called, hoping it was loud enough for her to hear me. With a lifetime of listening to her husband bellow, someone else’s yell might not even seem like a raising of the voice.

“Okay, dear.”

She didn’t come in, which was a little unusual, but I was glad. I really didn’t want to share this with anyone yet. It was so wonderful, so new, and too special to be tarnished with anyone’s opinions or suggestions yet.

I sat and looked out the window for a while, enjoying the silence, the moving fog, and the feelings I was experiencing. Suddenly I heard the front door slam, and I saw Sean and his father come out of the house. Sean was now fully dressed and obviously on his way to work. Both of them looked upset about something, and yet, it almost looked as if Sean’s father was pleading with him.

I was amazed, and leaned forward to see if I could tell what they were saying. The timbre of their voices came to me through the windowpanes, but I couldn’t hear the words. Sean shook his head, his face stormy, and his father held out his hands, palms up, almost in supplication.

I watched as Sean went still, looking at those callused large hands - open to him, and he put a hand to his face before going forward and putting his arms around his father. It was touching. So much so, that I felt I shouldn’t be watching.

I turned away, getting up from my perch on the window seat to go to my room. I was terribly curious about what had just occurred between Sean and his father, but I didn’t feel I could ask about it just now. Perhaps Sean would tell me about it later, at least I hoped so.

It also appeared something important was going on, and I was afraid to guess what. There were too many things going on as it was.

I sighed as I reached my bedroom and faced the bed that was unmade and the room that hadn’t been tidied in a while. It was time to do a little housework, and get myself going.

As I straightened things up, I found myself looking forward to that evening. It was the 'date’ with Sean that he'd planned. Just because his parents were going to be there, didn’t mean it wasn’t a date...

I had to smile at myself as I got dressed. Yeah, sure, and who was I kidding! Talk about built in chaperones! Oh well, I sighed, as I straightened out my bed and got it made. It wasn’t like I hated his parents or anything. I couldn’t wish for a better set of - I stopped myself and stood up straight.

What was I thinking? In-laws? Where did that thought come from? Although it had seemed like Sean had something important to say, it might not have been a proposal! I couldn’t assume anything here, we were just beginning to work out our feelings. It was way to soon to be thinking about proposals! I shook my head, irritated with my speculations and tossed my pillow back in its place with some force. I wished sometimes my mind would behave itself and not get these crazy ideas. It was going to drive me insane!

It took me about a half-hour to finish putting my room back in order, and about that time I had developed a better appetite, so I decided to venture down stairs. I half expected Mari and Bill to be in the kitchen - Mari baking something, or the two of them talking, but I couldn’t find sign of either of them as I wandered about, and I was a little concerned. Entering the kitchen I found a note taped to the fridge informing me they had gone to run an errand, and would be back about lunchtime.

“Oh,” I stared at it blankly, suddenly feeling the quiet of the house settling in around me. I glanced at my watch, and realized it was almost lunchtime now. They should be home.

I sighed and rubbed my arms, nervousness setting in. Its amazing how your fears build up when you're alone in a house. I seen my share of scary babysitter movies, but this wasn’t the same. I wasn’t babysitting, and no one was going to be coming after me.

I'm perfectly safe, I told myself firmly, and turned to the fridge to see what I could scare up for a light lunch. I figured I could surprise them and have lunch ready when they got in.

After settling on tuna salad on wheat bread, I quickly made it up, putting in my favorite additions, chopped apples, onions and boiled eggs; something the Palmer’s had shown me. While I was waiting for the eggs to cook, I glanced over and saw the paper sitting on the counter.

The Astoria newspaper wasn’t usually my bag of reading, but I was bored and I guess my worst habit is reading at the table. When you live by yourself, it’s an easy thing to do when there’s no one there to keep you company.

I unfolded the paper and there, staring up at me from the front page, big as life, was Dave! I couldn’t believe it! The headlines read “Rampant Violence Uncontrolled in Private Boy’s Academy”. I felt like I couldn’t breathe. There was this picture of Dave, bruised and beaten, the photo stating it had been taken a couple weeks before, obviously the beating they had given him before I had showed up.

““This is an example of what happens to our youth when we take them out of the fore front of common society and put them in cloistered, militaristic schools, where there is no guidance or supervision!” I read out loud in astonishment. What? “This is what is turning our strong men into gays and our vulnerable women into lesbians!”

The article quoted a woman activist who was apparently known and barely tolerated in Astoria’s community as one who was religiously conservative with no tolerance for anything new or threatening to her views. “Why is she bringing gays and lesbians into this?” I asked myself out loud, totally confused. Maybe it just fit in with everything else she was thinking.

I shook my head at the absurdity of it all, and then at the bottom of the article spotted a blurb which said “Mr. Newell had admitted to being gay to this papers interviewer, but requested this information be kept out, due to his living circumstances. We had planned on following his request, but then learned the information had already been leaked to Ms. Follywell. Ms. Follywell has already informed the school officials, afraid Mr. Newell might pose a social threat to the other boys. The school authorities have been unavailable for comment, although the school receptionist told us "it’s policy was not to question personal preferences in accepting applicants to the program, and that the violence experienced by Mr. Newell was entirely unrelated to his sexual preferences.”"

I was stunned. I stared at the photo of poor battered Dave, seeing only the boy who had helped me change my tire. The public knew now, and so would the entire school, stuff like this always got around. His life would be hell! And what about Sean’s parents? Had they already read the article? I shook my head and took a deep breath. This was crazy! Who would have leaked that private information? Someone who wanted to hurt Dave. Someone who wanted him out of the way?

I bit my lip and glanced over at the phone, wondering if I could call Sean, and if he would be able to talk. I didn’t even know the number to the school, for goodness sakes, but I knew I could look it up. I jumped up from the chair and quickly found the phone book and the number for the Monticello Academy.

I stood chewing on a thumbnail as I waited for the phone to be answered.

“Hello, Monticello Young Men Academy. How may I direct your call?”

“Hello!” I said breathlessly. “I was trying to reach Sean Palmer.”

“Okay. Let me see if he’s in.”

I waited while I heard the clicks of connections, and then Sean’s deep voice washed over me. “Hello, you have reached the desk of Sean Palmer. I am unable to answer the phone right now, so please leave your name and number and I will get back to you as soon as possible.”

I groaned and hung up the phone. His voice mail! Where was he? Glancing at the clock I realized he was probably gone for lunch. Lunch! I glanced over at the boiling eggs, realizing their time was up. But where were Mari and Bill?

They must be running late, I thought with a nervous sigh. What was I going to do about the article? I was desperate to talk to someone!

I took the eggs off the burner and put them in cold water before starting to pace back and forth in the kitchen. Dave was someone’s scapegoat. His sexuality was a side issue that was inflammatory at this time, in this city. I remember Bill mentioning something about it during our trip to Multnomah, how there was some woman activist that was trying to get people all worked up about the queers of society. (His choice of words, not mine).

It made me cringe, just thinking of it. Not that I approved of that lifestyle, I thought they were personally missing a brain cell somewhere, but I’d had enough people tell me I was close minded that I didn’t express that thought anymore. Still, thinking of Dave, and what he had done to help me, I had a hard time associating that opinion with him. I guess I hadn’t known anyone like him before.

I went into the front room and looked out the big picture window, anxiously seeing if anyone was coming down the road. Who was I kidding? I didn’t know Dave at all. I just had a few meetings with him. He could be a drug addict associated with this whole mess, as far I knew.

I shook my head and pressed cold fingers to my forehead. This wasn’t getting me anywhere. I glanced at my watch again, deciding to try the school and see if Sean was back from lunch yet.

I got the same receptionist.

“Hello,” I said quickly, before she could start her spiel, “I called earlier for Sean Palmer and you put me to his voice mail. Is he in today?”

“Oh,” she said hesitantly. “Let me see.”

There was silence as she put me on hold and I chewed on my lip. This was crazy. It shouldn’t be so difficult to get a hold of a teacher!

“Actually, he isn't in today,” the receptionist said, coming back on the phone, her voice sounding guarded. “He’s asked that I forward any callers to his voice mail. Did you want to leave a message?”

“No thank you.” I hung up, trying not to be upset with the poor woman, it wasn’t her fault. What was going on at the school? Sean hadn’t said anything about not going in, in fact I had watched him leave, hadn’t I?

The phone rang right then, and I jumped with nerves before picking up the receiver. “Hello?”

“Angie?” It was Mari’s reassuring voice and I sighed with relief.

“Mari!” I said, feeling really silly at my fears and very relieved to hear her voice. “Where are you? I have lunch all ready and-”

“Angie,” She briskly interrupted me. “I’m afraid we're running later than we thought. We’ll just meet you at the School Auditorium, okay? Weren’t you and Sean going to have dinner together?”

I chewed on my lip. Mari was sounding a little - stiff. “I - yes,” I finally answered. “I think so. I just haven’t been able to get a hold of him to find out when. What time does the show start?”

“Oh, I think it starts at six, dear. I’ve got to go now, but we’ll see you there!”

I stared at the buzzing receiver in my hand, my heart sinking. Was it me, or was everyone acting strange today? I didn’t have a clue as to what was going on, only vague suspicions, and I was feeling more and more alone and lost. I really needed to talk to Sean!

I hung up the phone and looked at my watch. It was still only 1 p.m., still hours to go before it was time for Sean to come get me. What was I going to do with myself for that length of time? I was going to be a basket case by the time it was ready to go.

I suddenly had a horrible feeling he wasn’t going to show up, and I was going to have to drive to the Center by myself. I felt like I was on a double blind date, where no one else had showed up!